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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 414482" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>When difficult child was younger, he also did not want to join in group activities. I allowed him to be an observer. I think so many people crave to be part of the action, part of the crowd, that we forget that not everyone wants to be and that is o.k. It is countless the number of times we would be at a large event such as a boy scout gathering and during free time when the other boys would organize a game or even during a structured time when all the boys were asked to join in, difficult child would refuse. I always said, "It is o.k., let him watch." </p><p> </p><p>He is not on the autism spectrum and I don't feel that he is shy. He is just quiet and wanted to understand the game/activity before joining in. Largely in part to his perfectionism trait - gotta be perfect before you can do anything in public you know. </p><p> </p><p>Any way, I felt in my heart that it was him and it was o.k. I followed my instinct to allow him to sit out and assure others that he was not feeling left out. Assure the adults who were feeling sorry for this kid sitting on the sideline maybe wanting to join in that it truly was his choice - that he was not being excluded. Then one year (I think 6th grade, the year following his hospitalization), he started to blossom. He LOVES giving oral presentations on subjects he knows about, he has no problem joining the crowd. He is a leader and a team player. My instincts were right.</p><p> </p><p>You need to follow your instincts. If they are nagging at you that something about this is not right, than follow through with that. You are the mom and you really do know when things are not going as they should - that is what our instincts are for. If you at peace and don't see a problem with this than follow your heart in that matter also.</p><p> </p><p>I think in your case since you have brought up the question that there may be a little uncertainty in this? I would talk to his teacher and discuss how the teacher sees this. Does he/she think this is a draw back? Will he/she agree that it is a personality trait? Does he/she have any insight in activities you can do at home to help him overcome this if you think it is a problem? Has he/she seen this occasionally from time to time over the years?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 414482, member: 5096"] When difficult child was younger, he also did not want to join in group activities. I allowed him to be an observer. I think so many people crave to be part of the action, part of the crowd, that we forget that not everyone wants to be and that is o.k. It is countless the number of times we would be at a large event such as a boy scout gathering and during free time when the other boys would organize a game or even during a structured time when all the boys were asked to join in, difficult child would refuse. I always said, "It is o.k., let him watch." He is not on the autism spectrum and I don't feel that he is shy. He is just quiet and wanted to understand the game/activity before joining in. Largely in part to his perfectionism trait - gotta be perfect before you can do anything in public you know. Any way, I felt in my heart that it was him and it was o.k. I followed my instinct to allow him to sit out and assure others that he was not feeling left out. Assure the adults who were feeling sorry for this kid sitting on the sideline maybe wanting to join in that it truly was his choice - that he was not being excluded. Then one year (I think 6th grade, the year following his hospitalization), he started to blossom. He LOVES giving oral presentations on subjects he knows about, he has no problem joining the crowd. He is a leader and a team player. My instincts were right. You need to follow your instincts. If they are nagging at you that something about this is not right, than follow through with that. You are the mom and you really do know when things are not going as they should - that is what our instincts are for. If you at peace and don't see a problem with this than follow your heart in that matter also. I think in your case since you have brought up the question that there may be a little uncertainty in this? I would talk to his teacher and discuss how the teacher sees this. Does he/she think this is a draw back? Will he/she agree that it is a personality trait? Does he/she have any insight in activities you can do at home to help him overcome this if you think it is a problem? Has he/she seen this occasionally from time to time over the years? [/QUOTE]
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