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Parent Emeritus
Doing something nice for your difficult child during the "bad" times
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 353807" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>I'm with Lisa on this. I do stuff for thank you because I want to.</p><p></p><p>With him out of the house now, and me no longer responsible for him, my perspective has changed a bit. A lot of it has to do with- the death of a friend's difficult child at Christmas, too. thank you is still living a very borderline existence, probably more unsafe than I imagine (though I try not to think about that too hard). When he shows up around here, it's a gift, and it's not something I take for granted. If he needs/wants something and I'm able to provide it, I will. No strings, no expectations. If he's being a horse's behind, I won't help, but he does seem to actually have finally grasped that concept and knows to stay away until I'm over it and/or he's apologized (which is usually more manipulation than anything, but at this stage of the game, I'll take it).</p><p></p><p>Holidays I do what I want for him, regardless of his attitude/behavior. It was a conscious decision I made a very long time ago, not to ruin my joy of giving just because he's doing whatever. I also very consciously do not expect thanks or anything else in return.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 353807, member: 8"] I'm with Lisa on this. I do stuff for thank you because I want to. With him out of the house now, and me no longer responsible for him, my perspective has changed a bit. A lot of it has to do with- the death of a friend's difficult child at Christmas, too. thank you is still living a very borderline existence, probably more unsafe than I imagine (though I try not to think about that too hard). When he shows up around here, it's a gift, and it's not something I take for granted. If he needs/wants something and I'm able to provide it, I will. No strings, no expectations. If he's being a horse's behind, I won't help, but he does seem to actually have finally grasped that concept and knows to stay away until I'm over it and/or he's apologized (which is usually more manipulation than anything, but at this stage of the game, I'll take it). Holidays I do what I want for him, regardless of his attitude/behavior. It was a conscious decision I made a very long time ago, not to ruin my joy of giving just because he's doing whatever. I also very consciously do not expect thanks or anything else in return. [/QUOTE]
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Doing something nice for your difficult child during the "bad" times
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