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Doing something nice for your difficult child during the "bad" times
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<blockquote data-quote="Mom2oddson" data-source="post: 353810" data-attributes="member: 65"><p>I don't know what I'm going to do about the holidays/Birthdays. Right now, if the difficult children have anything to do with me, it's to use me. There is nothing from them that would even remotely look like a parent/child relationship. It's all give me, give me.... or I don't exist at all. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I've noticed this with my difficult child-A, anytime I do anything nice for him, it blurs the lines and he starts expecting me to cater to him. And if I keep the lines firm, I feel like a mean and uncaring person. And he let's me know that I am one. It's a no-win situation. </p><p></p><p>Now, with easy child being away at College, I sent him a little extra money to help him out. I got all kinds of "Thank you" and "you shouldn't spend your money on me". It was nice. He's doing all the right things and should get something. But, I find myself feeling guilty because I don't/won't do this for the difficult children. First, if I'd give them money, they'd expect more. Second, it would be gone before the day was over. Third, they'd believe I owed it to them since they are gods in their own eyes. </p><p></p><p>difficult child-S has been ignoring us since September. She had nothing to do with us on Thanksgiving. Came over for Christmas on the 29th to get her gifts. Hasn't responded to a text or call since then. But if I didn't get her something for her B-day or Christmas???? I'd be tarred and feathers by her and EG. </p><p></p><p>I'm just glad that I have six months before her B-day. I'll face it than.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mom2oddson, post: 353810, member: 65"] I don't know what I'm going to do about the holidays/Birthdays. Right now, if the difficult children have anything to do with me, it's to use me. There is nothing from them that would even remotely look like a parent/child relationship. It's all give me, give me.... or I don't exist at all. I've noticed this with my difficult child-A, anytime I do anything nice for him, it blurs the lines and he starts expecting me to cater to him. And if I keep the lines firm, I feel like a mean and uncaring person. And he let's me know that I am one. It's a no-win situation. Now, with easy child being away at College, I sent him a little extra money to help him out. I got all kinds of "Thank you" and "you shouldn't spend your money on me". It was nice. He's doing all the right things and should get something. But, I find myself feeling guilty because I don't/won't do this for the difficult children. First, if I'd give them money, they'd expect more. Second, it would be gone before the day was over. Third, they'd believe I owed it to them since they are gods in their own eyes. difficult child-S has been ignoring us since September. She had nothing to do with us on Thanksgiving. Came over for Christmas on the 29th to get her gifts. Hasn't responded to a text or call since then. But if I didn't get her something for her B-day or Christmas???? I'd be tarred and feathers by her and EG. I'm just glad that I have six months before her B-day. I'll face it than. [/QUOTE]
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Doing something nice for your difficult child during the "bad" times
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