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Don't know what to call this feeling. Indifference maybe?
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<blockquote data-quote="Jody" data-source="post: 426713" data-attributes="member: 8787"><p>Okay, Mother's Day. My own Mother and I haven't talked in 25 years, she was abusive and just mean spirited, and very prejudice. Anyway, no problems there, don't feel any loss or anything after 25 years. I am a mother of two daughters. Since I am a Mother I believed, expected, thought that Mother's day should be somehow special. Oh my goodness, I am about to be a complainer. I was happier spendinging time with my dog. There I said it. I've been feeling guilty about feeling that but jeez, it's true. </p><p> </p><p>My difficult child tells me she's going to cook me scrambled eggs and toast. Well she gets up and discovers the pan that she wants needs washed. I had made her eggs the night before and the pan was soaking. She flipped out and told me your not getting your eggs because the pan's not clean. Mind you I have a complete set of cookware. 5 other pans would have been acceptable to use. So she says I'll make you some toast. I was okay with that until..... She comes to my room with two pieces of cold toasted bread, no butter or anything, no plate or napkin, nothing. Just hands me two pieces of cold toast. I guess my look of shock was enough, so she grabs the bread and says I can't do anything to please you and comes back now with the same cold toast, now smeered in butter, that is not melting. I couldn't and wouldn't eat it. Back to the can't please you. Really???? Then the name calling. Dumb B***** Raising her voice, knowing that the landlord was right next door. Told her to be quiet and then her famous line, It's a free country. I lock her out of my room, and go back to bed. Told her I would be taking her home as soon as her foster mom got back from her Mother's Day breakfast. Shortly I get a text from the brat in the next room, Sorry I called you that, and ruined your Mother's day. (Just like every other Holiday). </p><p> </p><p>Oldest daughter, calls me and ask if I am going to church. I said no, the disappointment is heard in her voice. She takes me to Sonic Drive thru and we go back to my apartment to eat it. She leaves very quickly and then I see that she has posted on fer FB, that it hurts her to see me living my life this way and hopes that I can give it up and let God take care of it. Since she has gone to college she has learned all the correct ways to parent, and what's wrong to do. I can't stand listening to it all. She's going to be a minister, but I don't want her practicing on me. I don't know where my daughter is. I would have loved to have a regular conversation with her yesterday. Watch and old tv program together. I don't think she wants any tv anymore. The relationship is tense. It's like having company over and I feel like I am walking on egg shells. When relationships get too hard I just shutdown. I don't want this too happen. I might end up old and lonely. She told me I need to have more energy. I have fibromyalga and chronic fatigue. I have always been active. It's harder now, but she doesn't believe these illnesses are valid. You know God will take it away thought process.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jody, post: 426713, member: 8787"] Okay, Mother's Day. My own Mother and I haven't talked in 25 years, she was abusive and just mean spirited, and very prejudice. Anyway, no problems there, don't feel any loss or anything after 25 years. I am a mother of two daughters. Since I am a Mother I believed, expected, thought that Mother's day should be somehow special. Oh my goodness, I am about to be a complainer. I was happier spendinging time with my dog. There I said it. I've been feeling guilty about feeling that but jeez, it's true. My difficult child tells me she's going to cook me scrambled eggs and toast. Well she gets up and discovers the pan that she wants needs washed. I had made her eggs the night before and the pan was soaking. She flipped out and told me your not getting your eggs because the pan's not clean. Mind you I have a complete set of cookware. 5 other pans would have been acceptable to use. So she says I'll make you some toast. I was okay with that until..... She comes to my room with two pieces of cold toasted bread, no butter or anything, no plate or napkin, nothing. Just hands me two pieces of cold toast. I guess my look of shock was enough, so she grabs the bread and says I can't do anything to please you and comes back now with the same cold toast, now smeered in butter, that is not melting. I couldn't and wouldn't eat it. Back to the can't please you. Really???? Then the name calling. Dumb B***** Raising her voice, knowing that the landlord was right next door. Told her to be quiet and then her famous line, It's a free country. I lock her out of my room, and go back to bed. Told her I would be taking her home as soon as her foster mom got back from her Mother's Day breakfast. Shortly I get a text from the brat in the next room, Sorry I called you that, and ruined your Mother's day. (Just like every other Holiday). Oldest daughter, calls me and ask if I am going to church. I said no, the disappointment is heard in her voice. She takes me to Sonic Drive thru and we go back to my apartment to eat it. She leaves very quickly and then I see that she has posted on fer FB, that it hurts her to see me living my life this way and hopes that I can give it up and let God take care of it. Since she has gone to college she has learned all the correct ways to parent, and what's wrong to do. I can't stand listening to it all. She's going to be a minister, but I don't want her practicing on me. I don't know where my daughter is. I would have loved to have a regular conversation with her yesterday. Watch and old tv program together. I don't think she wants any tv anymore. The relationship is tense. It's like having company over and I feel like I am walking on egg shells. When relationships get too hard I just shutdown. I don't want this too happen. I might end up old and lonely. She told me I need to have more energy. I have fibromyalga and chronic fatigue. I have always been active. It's harder now, but she doesn't believe these illnesses are valid. You know God will take it away thought process. [/QUOTE]
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Don't know what to call this feeling. Indifference maybe?
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