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General Parenting
Don't really know where to go from here...I'd love some advise!! (And I'm going to just vent)
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 619363" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Welcome, Traveling Mom.</p><p>You've gotten some great ideas here.</p><p>I would agree that many of us didn't have problems with-our kids at school until they were much older. My one exception was when my son was about 5, and the regional director stopped by his kindergarten class one day ... said they were doing something musical and he just sat there. Then he got involved with-something on his own and was very fidgety. Very into his own head. Told another teacher, "There is something very wrong with that child." Wish she'd talked to me directly. Could have saved us yrs of work!</p><p>So yes, he was a terror at home, and did fight with-his sister a lot, and had no sense of boundaries.</p><p></p><p>When you talk about how he throws his body around, I think of Asperger's. Also, that can go along with-ADHD and ODD. Be prepared for a variety of dxes over the yrs. Very seldom do doctors, therapists and pediatricians agree. It's so hard to get a consensus!</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry about your husband not being on the same page. I'm very glad that you have been to counseling and have learned new parenting skills. Our kids do not come neatly pkgd and there are no instructions! But some therapists have very good ideas and I'm glad you have been able to put them to good use.</p><p></p><p>In regard to chores, I would just pick one chore for your son to do right now and stick with it. Normally I would pick a necessary life chore, but in your case, since he's so hard to deal with, I'd pick something that you know is easy for him to do. Taking out the trash from the house to the outside container? Gathering dirty towels from the bathrooms and putting them in the laundry basket? I'm not suggesting anything with-dishes because I don't know if his body space issues will make him break thing, Know what I mean??</p><p></p><p>My husband didn't want to go to counseling, either. He's very snobby about it, thinks he can do it all himself, but has learned over the yrs that when a therapist or psychiatrist comes up with-an idea, he can go with it, like a project. Still, he refuses to see a regular counselor, say, a soc wkr or someone with-a master's degree; it has to be an MD or PhD. Sigh.</p><p>He sometimes does the hand thing, too, which is a control issue. I usually listen to hear what he is saying, and then add to it, rather than just shutting up completely, and then when we are alone, I'll remind him, "About that hand thing ... it really irritates me and it's disrespectful to me. We don't always do everything alike and I'm sorry that you misinterpreted the scene and thought it would escalate. Next time, please make eye contact with me so that difficult child doesn't see it."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 619363, member: 3419"] Welcome, Traveling Mom. You've gotten some great ideas here. I would agree that many of us didn't have problems with-our kids at school until they were much older. My one exception was when my son was about 5, and the regional director stopped by his kindergarten class one day ... said they were doing something musical and he just sat there. Then he got involved with-something on his own and was very fidgety. Very into his own head. Told another teacher, "There is something very wrong with that child." Wish she'd talked to me directly. Could have saved us yrs of work! So yes, he was a terror at home, and did fight with-his sister a lot, and had no sense of boundaries. When you talk about how he throws his body around, I think of Asperger's. Also, that can go along with-ADHD and ODD. Be prepared for a variety of dxes over the yrs. Very seldom do doctors, therapists and pediatricians agree. It's so hard to get a consensus! I'm sorry about your husband not being on the same page. I'm very glad that you have been to counseling and have learned new parenting skills. Our kids do not come neatly pkgd and there are no instructions! But some therapists have very good ideas and I'm glad you have been able to put them to good use. In regard to chores, I would just pick one chore for your son to do right now and stick with it. Normally I would pick a necessary life chore, but in your case, since he's so hard to deal with, I'd pick something that you know is easy for him to do. Taking out the trash from the house to the outside container? Gathering dirty towels from the bathrooms and putting them in the laundry basket? I'm not suggesting anything with-dishes because I don't know if his body space issues will make him break thing, Know what I mean?? My husband didn't want to go to counseling, either. He's very snobby about it, thinks he can do it all himself, but has learned over the yrs that when a therapist or psychiatrist comes up with-an idea, he can go with it, like a project. Still, he refuses to see a regular counselor, say, a soc wkr or someone with-a master's degree; it has to be an MD or PhD. Sigh. He sometimes does the hand thing, too, which is a control issue. I usually listen to hear what he is saying, and then add to it, rather than just shutting up completely, and then when we are alone, I'll remind him, "About that hand thing ... it really irritates me and it's disrespectful to me. We don't always do everything alike and I'm sorry that you misinterpreted the scene and thought it would escalate. Next time, please make eye contact with me so that difficult child doesn't see it." [/QUOTE]
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Don't really know where to go from here...I'd love some advise!! (And I'm going to just vent)
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