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Parent Emeritus
Doubt and Guilt...Need a reality check
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 654307" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I used to walk around my house, and look at all of his cute little baby, toddler, elementary school pictures and just sob and sob and sob. I would fall to the floor sobbing. "my baby."</p><p></p><p>It is something we have to go through...that stage of this awful journey. </p><p></p><p>So....cry and cry and cry. Crying never killed anybody. Beat the pillow, lie on the bed and stare at the wall, get out and walk around the block 20 times, scream as loud as you can in the car...I did all of that. </p><p></p><p>Feel your feelings. Don't try to hold them back. Doing this is healing. </p><p></p><p><strong><em>BUT....here is the big change so get ready for it:</em></strong> Do <em><u><strong>not</strong></u></em> act on those feelings. Don't pick up the phone or the computer and text "your baby", or call "your baby" or FB message "your baby."</p><p></p><p>Your baby is all grown up. He or she is playing the game of adulthood on the wrong side of that game. </p><p></p><p>And society is putting a stop to it. As well it should, and regardless of us and our "mommy love" our kids will have to face those consequences.</p><p></p><p>Today, I see that is a very, very good thing for them. It kills <u>us</u>, but it is good for them. </p><p></p><p>Seeing my own precious son in jail was good for me. It was another step in my letting go and understanding that he is himself and I am not him, and I can't serve his jail sentence for him, and why would I do that anyway, as I didn't take drugs, sell drugs, use drugs, steal from other people to fund my drugs...on and on with so many things I don't even know about.</p><p></p><p>Believe me, we have been right where you are, all of us. Many of us have worked harder at our own recovery from enabling than any college course or job or task in our lives. </p><p></p><p>Time spent on our own recovery = change in our own lives. It is a simple equation. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs today...keep on keeping on. There is hope ahead.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 654307, member: 17542"] I used to walk around my house, and look at all of his cute little baby, toddler, elementary school pictures and just sob and sob and sob. I would fall to the floor sobbing. "my baby." It is something we have to go through...that stage of this awful journey. So....cry and cry and cry. Crying never killed anybody. Beat the pillow, lie on the bed and stare at the wall, get out and walk around the block 20 times, scream as loud as you can in the car...I did all of that. Feel your feelings. Don't try to hold them back. Doing this is healing. [B][I]BUT....here is the big change so get ready for it:[/I][/B] Do [I][U][B]not[/B][/U][/I] act on those feelings. Don't pick up the phone or the computer and text "your baby", or call "your baby" or FB message "your baby." Your baby is all grown up. He or she is playing the game of adulthood on the wrong side of that game. And society is putting a stop to it. As well it should, and regardless of us and our "mommy love" our kids will have to face those consequences. Today, I see that is a very, very good thing for them. It kills [U]us[/U], but it is good for them. Seeing my own precious son in jail was good for me. It was another step in my letting go and understanding that he is himself and I am not him, and I can't serve his jail sentence for him, and why would I do that anyway, as I didn't take drugs, sell drugs, use drugs, steal from other people to fund my drugs...on and on with so many things I don't even know about. Believe me, we have been right where you are, all of us. Many of us have worked harder at our own recovery from enabling than any college course or job or task in our lives. Time spent on our own recovery = change in our own lives. It is a simple equation. Warm hugs today...keep on keeping on. There is hope ahead. [/QUOTE]
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