Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Doubt and Guilt...Need a reality check
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 654366" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>About the Dr. Phil and helping other parents club...it's a great idea except for one thing.</p><p></p><p>Just like many of our adult kids won't listen to reason, even when they know it will help them, many parents won't either. I am sure some lurkers think we are really mean. Some parents also know what is best, but won't do it because of their own guilt. Or they are worried that their very healthy looking adult child, who is far from wasting away, will not be able to get food, which is ridiculous. There are so many places for street people to eat. Many will continue to hand out money, knowing they are helping their adult kids take drugs. Many will never let go, because they can't or are not strong enough to do the hard work to detach and the adult children will remain children...running away, using their money for drugs, in prison, having babies they don't even know the location of...it is endless. </p><p></p><p>Not only do the adult children need to want to change. Before our life changes, we need to want it to change too and we need to want to stop treating our adult criminal children like our cute little two year ols that they once were. It is a choice many parents have to make. I feel there are grave consequences to hanging on and helping and ending up in the poorhouse to help a 50 year old "child" who is still sponging off of you at an age when most stable adult children are starting to take cre of US...almost annoyingly so.</p><p></p><p>We create dependence and then get upset over it. We have to be the one who is willing to let go. </p><p></p><p>So we are not so different from our adult children. We make choices about how to deal with our adult children and that impacts our lives. Some parents never learn and some are caring for their adult senior aged children until they finally die. I find it very sad. Although it is hard to let go of many people we may love, sometimes it is the only thing we can do for them and for us...or else it can literally kill us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 654366, member: 1550"] About the Dr. Phil and helping other parents club...it's a great idea except for one thing. Just like many of our adult kids won't listen to reason, even when they know it will help them, many parents won't either. I am sure some lurkers think we are really mean. Some parents also know what is best, but won't do it because of their own guilt. Or they are worried that their very healthy looking adult child, who is far from wasting away, will not be able to get food, which is ridiculous. There are so many places for street people to eat. Many will continue to hand out money, knowing they are helping their adult kids take drugs. Many will never let go, because they can't or are not strong enough to do the hard work to detach and the adult children will remain children...running away, using their money for drugs, in prison, having babies they don't even know the location of...it is endless. Not only do the adult children need to want to change. Before our life changes, we need to want it to change too and we need to want to stop treating our adult criminal children like our cute little two year ols that they once were. It is a choice many parents have to make. I feel there are grave consequences to hanging on and helping and ending up in the poorhouse to help a 50 year old "child" who is still sponging off of you at an age when most stable adult children are starting to take cre of US...almost annoyingly so. We create dependence and then get upset over it. We have to be the one who is willing to let go. So we are not so different from our adult children. We make choices about how to deal with our adult children and that impacts our lives. Some parents never learn and some are caring for their adult senior aged children until they finally die. I find it very sad. Although it is hard to let go of many people we may love, sometimes it is the only thing we can do for them and for us...or else it can literally kill us. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Doubt and Guilt...Need a reality check
Top