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Parent Emeritus
Doubt and Guilt...Need a reality check
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 654413" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I used to hope that my son would get incarcerated. Why? Most of all, the fellow inmates DO NOT TAKE S--T. If you lie, steal, are filthy, whimpy, complaining--THAT IS STOPPED NOW or you are marginalized, hounded, victimized. I so wanted this kind of "schooling" as they call it for my son. MAN UP is what this is called in prison slang. And really, I still want this for my son. To TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Now, as I write this, I wonder if you all will think I lost my mind.</p><p></p><p>I do not remember who wrote me this yesterday, but I bet it could have been ChildofMine or Cedar or Somewhereoutthere...:</p><p></p><p>Our mothering has become toxic to our kids (I need to raise my hand really really high to let you know that I am one of the the worst offenders here). With our kids the way we mother HURTS THEM, this brilliant Mother went on to say that.</p><p></p><p>Our worry, our crying, being a doormat, sacrificing ourselves to be destroyed, telling them they are killing us (yep, I say this--sad but true), my absolutely nauseating martyrdom (yes, that is where my son learned it), my constant taking responsibility for EVERYTHING while I berate him for NOT taking responsibility, pining for him (yes pining--I go to bed for days when I am heartsick wondering where and how my son is---I never pined for a boyfriend like I do for my son.)</p><p></p><p>As I write this I realize, no wonder I wished for prison for my son--WHAT A REFUGE FROM ME. As the sage parent described detachment parenting I realized it was about trying to get out of the way. Everything is not all about me, and my needs. My Gosh, I truly, truly understand we DO NOT WANT THEM TO BE HURT. </p><p></p><p>There is not one thing we can do to protect them anymore. Am I being mean to say it? I am talking to myself here. Love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 654413, member: 18958"] I used to hope that my son would get incarcerated. Why? Most of all, the fellow inmates DO NOT TAKE S--T. If you lie, steal, are filthy, whimpy, complaining--THAT IS STOPPED NOW or you are marginalized, hounded, victimized. I so wanted this kind of "schooling" as they call it for my son. MAN UP is what this is called in prison slang. And really, I still want this for my son. To TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Now, as I write this, I wonder if you all will think I lost my mind. I do not remember who wrote me this yesterday, but I bet it could have been ChildofMine or Cedar or Somewhereoutthere...: Our mothering has become toxic to our kids (I need to raise my hand really really high to let you know that I am one of the the worst offenders here). With our kids the way we mother HURTS THEM, this brilliant Mother went on to say that. Our worry, our crying, being a doormat, sacrificing ourselves to be destroyed, telling them they are killing us (yep, I say this--sad but true), my absolutely nauseating martyrdom (yes, that is where my son learned it), my constant taking responsibility for EVERYTHING while I berate him for NOT taking responsibility, pining for him (yes pining--I go to bed for days when I am heartsick wondering where and how my son is---I never pined for a boyfriend like I do for my son.) As I write this I realize, no wonder I wished for prison for my son--WHAT A REFUGE FROM ME. As the sage parent described detachment parenting I realized it was about trying to get out of the way. Everything is not all about me, and my needs. My Gosh, I truly, truly understand we DO NOT WANT THEM TO BE HURT. There is not one thing we can do to protect them anymore. Am I being mean to say it? I am talking to myself here. Love. [/QUOTE]
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