Yes Copa, you have every right to have terms. I also think what you told him was spot on.
I work in accounting so the word "term" for me is something I see every day. We sell a product to our customers with "terms" and if they do not pay their bill within the "terms" time frame there is a consequence. It's no different with your son or any other difficult adult child. Terms and boundaries are what give order to our lives.
Only you can answer the question of whether you stay in the game or not. You have done so much to help your son and he has made some progress which is great but it's always because you are the one driving him.
I wish I had an easy answer for you dear lady but when dealing with our difficult adult kids, there is just nothing easy about it.
One thing I do know is he is so lucky to have you as his mom.
((HUGS)) to you.................
