Thank you Tanya.
I agree with this. In reading your reply I am thinking this: I have a choice about how I respond to him. I can blow off his resistance, his occasional disrespect or hostility and not consider it as important or hurtful or in any way determinative or definitive about me or my course of action. I I can see it for what it is, the natural consequence of pushing against his agenda; his push back as the weaker party.
After all, he knows that he has chosen to be with us, chooses to stay, and needs us. He has accepted my terms, not the reverse. He can resist, but I still define and decide. It is like a float on a parade route. Sure the float seems big and splashy, and inexorably moves on. But does the float decide the route, where it begins and ends? Does the float decide its theme? Can the float decide I am New Years not Rose Bowl? No.
As long as my son keeps his float on my parade route I define this because by staying he is consenting.
After reading your post, Tanya, I am seeing this more as an issue between myself and me. Not between him and I, at all. An internal dialog about how I feel and think and respond. Maybe even about my relationship with hope and what is unknowable. Or my own feelings about my power and rights as a person.
Thank you, Tanya.
