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Doubts and questions about my course.
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 712416" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Copa</p><p></p><p>I have heard your struggle for many months now - different than mine but a struggle none the less. And you are right, it is a struggle within yourself.</p><p></p><p>I have set up firm boundaries for my son also but I am fortunate in that he really does NOT want to be homeless even though he does have an addiction. He will check into rehab rather than being homeless which is not for the right reasons, but it's somewhat of a comfort to me. I keep hoping that maybe "this time" he will get it.</p><p></p><p>The bottom line is that you are not happy when he is there with you (and not living the life you know he is capable of living) and you are also not happy when you are away from him. You are really not asking him for much in return for what you are offering him. In turn, it sounds like most of the time he is giving you just a little...just enough to keep you happy and/or quiet for now.... I have seen that with my son also.</p><p></p><p>It sounds all very exhausting for you. He is so fortunate to have the two of you in his life, he really is. </p><p></p><p>I think that if you can find some way to find your peace with all of this and let him be while at the same time enforcing certain boundaries that you simply cannot bend on, then maybe the three of you can coexist in a way that may not be ideal, but may not cause you so much stress. You have to make peace with the situation and let it be because I feel you really want him near you.</p><p></p><p>We all know that our adult children, even those that are NOT Difficult Child, have a mind of their own and will do what they want to do and live a life they want to live, not appreciating our knowledge or guidance often until they have their own children or life experience. I can speak to that from experience with our other boys.</p><p></p><p>There is the question of course of if you are enabling him not to grow up because he can lean on you. That is certainly a possibility. What is his true potential? We have all read about that on this forum and it drives many of us to push them away and say no more!</p><p></p><p>If my son did not use pills and alcohol which made him a STRANGER to us, changed his entire personality, and did not steal from us and cause our lives to be hell when he was with us, I doubt we would have pushed so hard. Would that have served him or us well in the long run? I do not know the answer to this.</p><p></p><p>I said to my husband last night that I think what our family has been through is tragic. His addiction is tragic. He used my own words back to me and said that is life, this is his journey. </p><p></p><p>There is no right or wrong answer for you or for any of us really. You just have to trust your gut instinct and go with that. It seems that any time I have not done that, it has been a mistake.</p><p></p><p>Make peace with it. Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 712416, member: 15032"] Copa I have heard your struggle for many months now - different than mine but a struggle none the less. And you are right, it is a struggle within yourself. I have set up firm boundaries for my son also but I am fortunate in that he really does NOT want to be homeless even though he does have an addiction. He will check into rehab rather than being homeless which is not for the right reasons, but it's somewhat of a comfort to me. I keep hoping that maybe "this time" he will get it. The bottom line is that you are not happy when he is there with you (and not living the life you know he is capable of living) and you are also not happy when you are away from him. You are really not asking him for much in return for what you are offering him. In turn, it sounds like most of the time he is giving you just a little...just enough to keep you happy and/or quiet for now.... I have seen that with my son also. It sounds all very exhausting for you. He is so fortunate to have the two of you in his life, he really is. I think that if you can find some way to find your peace with all of this and let him be while at the same time enforcing certain boundaries that you simply cannot bend on, then maybe the three of you can coexist in a way that may not be ideal, but may not cause you so much stress. You have to make peace with the situation and let it be because I feel you really want him near you. We all know that our adult children, even those that are NOT Difficult Child, have a mind of their own and will do what they want to do and live a life they want to live, not appreciating our knowledge or guidance often until they have their own children or life experience. I can speak to that from experience with our other boys. There is the question of course of if you are enabling him not to grow up because he can lean on you. That is certainly a possibility. What is his true potential? We have all read about that on this forum and it drives many of us to push them away and say no more! If my son did not use pills and alcohol which made him a STRANGER to us, changed his entire personality, and did not steal from us and cause our lives to be hell when he was with us, I doubt we would have pushed so hard. Would that have served him or us well in the long run? I do not know the answer to this. I said to my husband last night that I think what our family has been through is tragic. His addiction is tragic. He used my own words back to me and said that is life, this is his journey. There is no right or wrong answer for you or for any of us really. You just have to trust your gut instinct and go with that. It seems that any time I have not done that, it has been a mistake. Make peace with it. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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