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Doubts and questions about my course.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 712419" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>He just stopped by to pick up his phone. In and out. He did decide to go back to the Mixed Martial Arts and says he will meet the instructor in 45 minutes. That he is returning is a good thing and seems to be expressly related to something I told him yesterday. He also said he found a skills building program at the California/Nevada border which sounds like a wilderness program paid for through his SSI.</p><p></p><p>Immediately I thought of those programs where people die. And said so.</p><p></p><p>He got pissed saying I am controlling. </p><p></p><p>When I brought up <em>conditions and expectations</em>, he responded that I do not accept he is brain damaged as a consequence of in utero drug exposure and my expectations of him are unrealistic. I responded that he uses any impairment (which all of us have) as an <em>excuse </em>instead of a<em> challenge</em>. I responded: <em>my father was the drug user</em>. He responded that he had not heard of late of a father carrying a baby 9 months. Touche. Ouch.</p><p></p><p>Which is really the crux of the issue: the damage he received in utero and the fact I was not his birth mother. Perhaps this is the heart of his anger towards me. That I was a bait and switch mother. We loved each other with all our hearts. While he knew from the beginning the broad circumstances of his birth, the reality of how he was affected was not known or understood until adulthood. It was like paradise lost. And I am the only parent he knows to hold responsible.</p><p></p><p>Thank you everybody. I understand better now. You are reflecting back to me that this is a dialog I seem to want. And that my task is to better understand my own needs, how to better protect myself, identify bottom line goals and communicate these to my son.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing that my son is in process with me. There is dialog, some listening and some response by him. Not what I would want. Not enough. But I have to take what I can get.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 712419, member: 18958"] He just stopped by to pick up his phone. In and out. He did decide to go back to the Mixed Martial Arts and says he will meet the instructor in 45 minutes. That he is returning is a good thing and seems to be expressly related to something I told him yesterday. He also said he found a skills building program at the California/Nevada border which sounds like a wilderness program paid for through his SSI. Immediately I thought of those programs where people die. And said so. He got pissed saying I am controlling. When I brought up [I]conditions and expectations[/I], he responded that I do not accept he is brain damaged as a consequence of in utero drug exposure and my expectations of him are unrealistic. I responded that he uses any impairment (which all of us have) as an [I]excuse [/I]instead of a[I] challenge[/I]. I responded: [I]my father was the drug user[/I]. He responded that he had not heard of late of a father carrying a baby 9 months. Touche. Ouch. Which is really the crux of the issue: the damage he received in utero and the fact I was not his birth mother. Perhaps this is the heart of his anger towards me. That I was a bait and switch mother. We loved each other with all our hearts. While he knew from the beginning the broad circumstances of his birth, the reality of how he was affected was not known or understood until adulthood. It was like paradise lost. And I am the only parent he knows to hold responsible. Thank you everybody. I understand better now. You are reflecting back to me that this is a dialog I seem to want. And that my task is to better understand my own needs, how to better protect myself, identify bottom line goals and communicate these to my son. I am seeing that my son is in process with me. There is dialog, some listening and some response by him. Not what I would want. Not enough. But I have to take what I can get. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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