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Doubts and questions about my course.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 712452" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Susie, you nail things so well. It is rare for our kids as adults to become the child of our dreams. Dreams are just that...dreams. As much as we love our kids as children and adults they have free will, like we did, and do life their way, not how we did it or wish we had done it. They are not us even if we love them so much that it feels that way. We gave them roots to grow and wings to fly, which means, like all birds, once they fly, Mom has no control over their decisions and indeed even there abilities. If they choose to live in the wilderness, they do it. If they smoke pot, they do, just like we drink if we like. For kids pot is the new alcohol. Like alcohol, it can be bad for them or overused but THEY have to think so to stop using it. Not us. It is legal in many states.</p><p></p><p>I could never please my mom snd she always thought I was exaggerating or faking my inborn differences that made it very hard for me to keep even some easy jobs, although I tried hard. I vowed, and learned from my beloved first mother in laws example, not to ever criticize my childrens life choices. When my daughter did drugs we did not verbally demean her (this was hard!). We told her that we did not allow illegal behavior in our house and made her leave it. At least when she did quit, we both had not said regretful words we had to overcome so we still had a good reationship. The best lesson I learned from my mother was how NOT to be!</p><p></p><p>If we did not do everything our mothers wanted, and most of us did not, why should our adult children? And why cant we accept even if we dont approve? We had dreams. A degree. Maybe an advanced degree. Suits. Good white collar or well paying blue collar jobs. His Wife (who adores us, of course...often THIS doesnt happen) and grandkids we see all the time (ditto). They are our dreams, not their dreams. Life doesnt follow our hoped gor script. Ever. Not 100%. You may get the college grad with good job, but not the close relationship etc. Or vice versa. Nobody gets everything, neat and tidy, wrapped with a bow for us. We have to learn to accept disappointment.</p><p></p><p>I have two sons, two daughters. My experience shows me that the mother/son relationship is way different than mother/daughter. I find much more common ground with my daughters.. friends to shop with, talk babies about, do things with, become friends with. Girl stuff that men roll their eyes at. I am close to both sons but in a more distant way. They like to do male things and certainly dont like shopping or going to garage sales or watching chick flicks!</p><p></p><p>"A son is a son till he gets him a wife. A daughters a daughter the rest of her life." This has been my experience. The wife usually runs the family, the kids, and if she has her own close family, that family normally comes first. Of course this was just my experience. But I accepted it when Bart was married, and had to accept it when Goneboy chose his wife over all of us and left us for her. We havent heard from him in ten years. It is his choice. I have to let it stand and have accepted and moved on. Yes, it was hard, but necessary. I could not force him to want to see us over his wife's objections. And, frankly, in the end it was his choice too.</p><p></p><p>Ok, rambling now. Jumper, Boyfriend and Sonic coming today for belated Mothers Day because we all worked last week. Going to Chicago Sunday night to see Dad, Princess and the little girl who makes my heart sing, my beautiful, precious little granddaughter!!!</p><p></p><p>Nothing makes a mothers heart sing like your very beloved child's child. Nothing. I am convinced. It is a living miracle to see and love my daughters little girl.</p><p></p><p>Have a great day, all!! This was my two cents.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 712452, member: 1550"] Susie, you nail things so well. It is rare for our kids as adults to become the child of our dreams. Dreams are just that...dreams. As much as we love our kids as children and adults they have free will, like we did, and do life their way, not how we did it or wish we had done it. They are not us even if we love them so much that it feels that way. We gave them roots to grow and wings to fly, which means, like all birds, once they fly, Mom has no control over their decisions and indeed even there abilities. If they choose to live in the wilderness, they do it. If they smoke pot, they do, just like we drink if we like. For kids pot is the new alcohol. Like alcohol, it can be bad for them or overused but THEY have to think so to stop using it. Not us. It is legal in many states. I could never please my mom snd she always thought I was exaggerating or faking my inborn differences that made it very hard for me to keep even some easy jobs, although I tried hard. I vowed, and learned from my beloved first mother in laws example, not to ever criticize my childrens life choices. When my daughter did drugs we did not verbally demean her (this was hard!). We told her that we did not allow illegal behavior in our house and made her leave it. At least when she did quit, we both had not said regretful words we had to overcome so we still had a good reationship. The best lesson I learned from my mother was how NOT to be! If we did not do everything our mothers wanted, and most of us did not, why should our adult children? And why cant we accept even if we dont approve? We had dreams. A degree. Maybe an advanced degree. Suits. Good white collar or well paying blue collar jobs. His Wife (who adores us, of course...often THIS doesnt happen) and grandkids we see all the time (ditto). They are our dreams, not their dreams. Life doesnt follow our hoped gor script. Ever. Not 100%. You may get the college grad with good job, but not the close relationship etc. Or vice versa. Nobody gets everything, neat and tidy, wrapped with a bow for us. We have to learn to accept disappointment. I have two sons, two daughters. My experience shows me that the mother/son relationship is way different than mother/daughter. I find much more common ground with my daughters.. friends to shop with, talk babies about, do things with, become friends with. Girl stuff that men roll their eyes at. I am close to both sons but in a more distant way. They like to do male things and certainly dont like shopping or going to garage sales or watching chick flicks! "A son is a son till he gets him a wife. A daughters a daughter the rest of her life." This has been my experience. The wife usually runs the family, the kids, and if she has her own close family, that family normally comes first. Of course this was just my experience. But I accepted it when Bart was married, and had to accept it when Goneboy chose his wife over all of us and left us for her. We havent heard from him in ten years. It is his choice. I have to let it stand and have accepted and moved on. Yes, it was hard, but necessary. I could not force him to want to see us over his wife's objections. And, frankly, in the end it was his choice too. Ok, rambling now. Jumper, Boyfriend and Sonic coming today for belated Mothers Day because we all worked last week. Going to Chicago Sunday night to see Dad, Princess and the little girl who makes my heart sing, my beautiful, precious little granddaughter!!! Nothing makes a mothers heart sing like your very beloved child's child. Nothing. I am convinced. It is a living miracle to see and love my daughters little girl. Have a great day, all!! This was my two cents. [/QUOTE]
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