GSM posted that she was trying to act from a place of compassion and empathy toward her son and she was finding this to be validating for her as a mother and person. Coincidentally RB just posted an article about peaceful parenting the foundation of which is compassion as an alternative to either a permissive, withdrawn, or punishing stance.
A peaceful parent does not impose her rules and expectations nor does she throw up her hands or kick out her child. Peaceful parents set limits and have expectations but they manage their own emotions while keeping in the mix with their child, trying to see and honor their child's point of view, feelings and goals. While the article posted by RB seems geared to the younger child, it relates to my relationship to my adult son.
When I try to over control my son by trying to impose my own values and expectations as conditions as soon as I am out of view he resists or undermines what I seek to impose. He does not develop self-discipline nor does he develop an internal locus of control and intrinsic sense of who he is and what he can accomplish. I lose the power of our relationship to motivate him and I lose the container of our loving relationship to guide him.
The keys: compassion, empathy, loving understanding; holding onto my strength and maintaining calm. Proposing alternatives that I can live with and letting him decide his own course.
