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E-School - advice needed
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 242789" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Actually, this could work. I know it seems crazy when you have a kid who fights doinghomework, but this IS different. I speak form experience - difficult child 3 was a shocker about doing homework, we had so many fights over it. But doing schoolwork at home during school hours? No problem!</p><p></p><p>The biggest problem we have, is distractibility. But your difficult child and mine are similar, in their rigid thinking and rule-following. Once they know the rules they also will avoid breaking them. If he knows that he can't play games or go on MySpace because if he does, he WILL be caught - I'm betting he won't even try it.</p><p></p><p>There are two things you need to drum into yourself and him -</p><p></p><p>1) School work during school hours. If you do enough, there needn't be any homework. If you don't do enough, then you will have homework. </p><p></p><p>2) The parent may supervise, but the parent is not the teacher. The parent therefore doesn't have to nag, just remind that the teacher will know, if the work is not being done. The child has to answer to the teacher. In this way, the parent/supervisor becomes facilitator and support, not slave-driver.</p><p>I provide support by shoving food at difficult child 3, so he can continue working without neding to take a break. I found that he works better if he can stay on task. This sems opposite to most kids, but I keep hearing this more and more - the child stays on the topic until it's finished, then it's done and tey move to a different topic.</p><p></p><p>Social stuff - yes, it is an issue. But in your case he will still get some school mainstream social interaction. In the meantime, he will be studying in a supportive, calm environment where kids aren't mean to him. So when he DOES interact, he will feel calmer and more capable of coping.</p><p></p><p>The biggest argument against difficult child 3 leaving mainstream, were "what about social interaction?" and we found this was a HUGE red herring. Because we no longer have battles over homework (it gets done during school hours) then difficult child 3 has MORE social interaction than he used to have. It's also under beter control and he is much more capable of walking away from a negative interaction, than in a mainstream setting where kids can be mean but he's not allowed to leave.</p><p></p><p>Also on the subject of social interaction - please be aware, school is NOT a natural environment. When else in a child's life will he be expected to mingle with a group of kids all the same age and in a position of subservience, to a single authority figure? It is far more natural for a person to need to be able to cope socially with a wide range of ages, abilities and backgrounds. But we don't get thatat school. We DO get that when we get out and about in society. And difficult child 3 does tat - he comes shopping with me. He has developed a great deal more socially, in learning social skills associated with shopping. It has boosted his confidence elsewhere.</p><p></p><p>One day when he is an adult, difficult child 3 will need to interact with groups of people. However, he will be interacting as an adult, not asachild. it is hisinteractions as achild that he hasmost difficulty with, because society has different rules for children. As he will one day be growingup, he really won't need to use those rules once he is an adult. So why force him to learn them now? They only serve to confuse him.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, what I'm saying - the big social skills bogeyman is all puff and nothing behind it. It's very much a non-issue, if you can still provide some level of social interaction for him in a way that he finds a positive learning experience. A lot of difficult children, especially those who are very Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-like, never really learn how to interact aschildren. They just go straight to adult-mode (and do it badly). But once they're adults - it won't matter any more.</p><p></p><p>I hated my childhood for very similar reasons, I now understand. I was achild in a house full of adults, so when I mixed with other children I came across as "old for her age" or uppity. I didn't really understand childhood until I was an adult, when I madde a choice to never let go of childhood completely, to always remember how it feels to be powerless, to be ignored and discounted, and to have an imagination that can't be communicated to anyone who doesn't want to understand. Once I learned to value that in myself (instead of despise it, as was being taught to me inchildhood) I learned to value myself as an individual and to recognise I have a good contribution to make not only to my own children, but to society.</p><p></p><p>I wish I'd known this as a child, but my social environment didn't permit it.</p><p></p><p>I'd give the e-school a go, see hwat happens. But take alaid-back approach as far as you can personally. He's got to take rsponsibility for things himself, although you can always act as his personal organiser. Set your own alarms, remind him of a due date for a breakdown of work needed to complete an assignment, for example. With difficult child 1, I used to make the phone calls for him (then hand him the phone). He's still not good with making his own phone calls, but he's much better than he used to be.</p><p></p><p>Every kid is different. But they're also different from what we personally expect, because they're different form normal. That's what makes them difficult child!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 242789, member: 1991"] Actually, this could work. I know it seems crazy when you have a kid who fights doinghomework, but this IS different. I speak form experience - difficult child 3 was a shocker about doing homework, we had so many fights over it. But doing schoolwork at home during school hours? No problem! The biggest problem we have, is distractibility. But your difficult child and mine are similar, in their rigid thinking and rule-following. Once they know the rules they also will avoid breaking them. If he knows that he can't play games or go on MySpace because if he does, he WILL be caught - I'm betting he won't even try it. There are two things you need to drum into yourself and him - 1) School work during school hours. If you do enough, there needn't be any homework. If you don't do enough, then you will have homework. 2) The parent may supervise, but the parent is not the teacher. The parent therefore doesn't have to nag, just remind that the teacher will know, if the work is not being done. The child has to answer to the teacher. In this way, the parent/supervisor becomes facilitator and support, not slave-driver. I provide support by shoving food at difficult child 3, so he can continue working without neding to take a break. I found that he works better if he can stay on task. This sems opposite to most kids, but I keep hearing this more and more - the child stays on the topic until it's finished, then it's done and tey move to a different topic. Social stuff - yes, it is an issue. But in your case he will still get some school mainstream social interaction. In the meantime, he will be studying in a supportive, calm environment where kids aren't mean to him. So when he DOES interact, he will feel calmer and more capable of coping. The biggest argument against difficult child 3 leaving mainstream, were "what about social interaction?" and we found this was a HUGE red herring. Because we no longer have battles over homework (it gets done during school hours) then difficult child 3 has MORE social interaction than he used to have. It's also under beter control and he is much more capable of walking away from a negative interaction, than in a mainstream setting where kids can be mean but he's not allowed to leave. Also on the subject of social interaction - please be aware, school is NOT a natural environment. When else in a child's life will he be expected to mingle with a group of kids all the same age and in a position of subservience, to a single authority figure? It is far more natural for a person to need to be able to cope socially with a wide range of ages, abilities and backgrounds. But we don't get thatat school. We DO get that when we get out and about in society. And difficult child 3 does tat - he comes shopping with me. He has developed a great deal more socially, in learning social skills associated with shopping. It has boosted his confidence elsewhere. One day when he is an adult, difficult child 3 will need to interact with groups of people. However, he will be interacting as an adult, not asachild. it is hisinteractions as achild that he hasmost difficulty with, because society has different rules for children. As he will one day be growingup, he really won't need to use those rules once he is an adult. So why force him to learn them now? They only serve to confuse him. Anyway, what I'm saying - the big social skills bogeyman is all puff and nothing behind it. It's very much a non-issue, if you can still provide some level of social interaction for him in a way that he finds a positive learning experience. A lot of difficult children, especially those who are very Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-like, never really learn how to interact aschildren. They just go straight to adult-mode (and do it badly). But once they're adults - it won't matter any more. I hated my childhood for very similar reasons, I now understand. I was achild in a house full of adults, so when I mixed with other children I came across as "old for her age" or uppity. I didn't really understand childhood until I was an adult, when I madde a choice to never let go of childhood completely, to always remember how it feels to be powerless, to be ignored and discounted, and to have an imagination that can't be communicated to anyone who doesn't want to understand. Once I learned to value that in myself (instead of despise it, as was being taught to me inchildhood) I learned to value myself as an individual and to recognise I have a good contribution to make not only to my own children, but to society. I wish I'd known this as a child, but my social environment didn't permit it. I'd give the e-school a go, see hwat happens. But take alaid-back approach as far as you can personally. He's got to take rsponsibility for things himself, although you can always act as his personal organiser. Set your own alarms, remind him of a due date for a breakdown of work needed to complete an assignment, for example. With difficult child 1, I used to make the phone calls for him (then hand him the phone). He's still not good with making his own phone calls, but he's much better than he used to be. Every kid is different. But they're also different from what we personally expect, because they're different form normal. That's what makes them difficult child! Marg [/QUOTE]
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