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easy child has "come out" and now I have some questions...
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 171134" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Well, this is an interesting thread! I had to smoke a cigarette and drink a beer and think about some things. LOL!</p><p></p><p></p><p>LMS- I think you are definitely handling things the right way with your daughter and husband is being a - well, he really could make it difficult for her to find her own identity in a healthy way, but hopefully, your support will compensate for his actions.</p><p></p><p>That part, I didn't have to think about. </p><p></p><p>And no, I don't think any certain type of marriage can "cause" this. If a traditional marriage works for you, then be happy with it. There were generations where most marriages were that way and the majority of people weren't gay, right?</p><p></p><p>I spent time in the military- there were many gay women. I did my experimenting, too. My hang-up, I guess, is when it comes to my difficult child being raised in a household by a gay couple. But, (this is the part I had to think about)- I don't think it is quite that cut-and-dry. I never really cared who was gay or not, I've had friends that were and weren't and never "condemned" my brother because he is. I went out of my way to encourage my son to have a relationship with his uncle. But, my brother has a LOT of wierd hang-ups. He did have a lot of horrible facts to accept as a child and he always had a different side to him as a child- and still does. I'm not talking a side like effeminate- I'm saying a true hatred and evilness toward women- except not toward our grandmother- who raised him from the time he was 8 yo. Anyway, a long time ago, I had the converstaion with a friend that I grew up with. She knew both me and my bro from the time we were really young. She said it was odd- most people are born with a tendency, or sexual preference, if you will. But she said with my bro., it's like he never got over something and he lives this way because he can't face his issues. I swear, in his case, I do believe that is true. My bro really thinks weird- and desparately needs counseling but would probably rather die than to admit it because the pain of facing what he is in denial about would kill him. His resentment toward me is astronomical- but it isn't just me- and there is a lot to the story. Anyway...</p><p></p><p>I had told my bro a long time ago that even if he wasn't gay, I do not think he would be the best person to raise difficult child if something happened to me or if difficult child ever couldn't live at home. But I have to honestly say, I think it would cause difficult child to have more struggles in his life (mainly- identity and confusion) if he were raised by any gay couple right now. I don't think I would be so concerned if difficult child had past the age of finding his own self (not just sexual identity- but who HE wants to be) and if difficult child had resolved a lot of these difficult child issues. (A lot of difficult child's issues are due to his father never acknowledging him, seeing him, or even speaking to him.) I honestly do believe that under circumstances like this, the lifestyle of the people raising you can help shape the choices you make and the way you view yourself. I just don't think difficult child could handle going to sleep at night across the hall from a bedroom of 2 gay men in bed together right now. Actually, difficult child has told me himself that he WOULD NOT live that way. And, I used to like my bro's significant other. But I'll be d**medication if he is going to replace me as difficult child's mother, Know what I mean???</p><p></p><p>So, I hope that doesn't make me phobic about it. I would prefer that difficult child grow up, get married, never have anymore problems, have 2.5 kids and live in a house with a white picket fence, and all of us get along all of the time!! I will accept him and love him, even if (OKAAAY- WHEN) that doesn't happen. There are worse things that we as parents could have to adjust to. </p><p></p><p>So, that is my thinking for the night!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 171134, member: 3699"] Well, this is an interesting thread! I had to smoke a cigarette and drink a beer and think about some things. LOL! LMS- I think you are definitely handling things the right way with your daughter and husband is being a - well, he really could make it difficult for her to find her own identity in a healthy way, but hopefully, your support will compensate for his actions. That part, I didn't have to think about. And no, I don't think any certain type of marriage can "cause" this. If a traditional marriage works for you, then be happy with it. There were generations where most marriages were that way and the majority of people weren't gay, right? I spent time in the military- there were many gay women. I did my experimenting, too. My hang-up, I guess, is when it comes to my difficult child being raised in a household by a gay couple. But, (this is the part I had to think about)- I don't think it is quite that cut-and-dry. I never really cared who was gay or not, I've had friends that were and weren't and never "condemned" my brother because he is. I went out of my way to encourage my son to have a relationship with his uncle. But, my brother has a LOT of wierd hang-ups. He did have a lot of horrible facts to accept as a child and he always had a different side to him as a child- and still does. I'm not talking a side like effeminate- I'm saying a true hatred and evilness toward women- except not toward our grandmother- who raised him from the time he was 8 yo. Anyway, a long time ago, I had the converstaion with a friend that I grew up with. She knew both me and my bro from the time we were really young. She said it was odd- most people are born with a tendency, or sexual preference, if you will. But she said with my bro., it's like he never got over something and he lives this way because he can't face his issues. I swear, in his case, I do believe that is true. My bro really thinks weird- and desparately needs counseling but would probably rather die than to admit it because the pain of facing what he is in denial about would kill him. His resentment toward me is astronomical- but it isn't just me- and there is a lot to the story. Anyway... I had told my bro a long time ago that even if he wasn't gay, I do not think he would be the best person to raise difficult child if something happened to me or if difficult child ever couldn't live at home. But I have to honestly say, I think it would cause difficult child to have more struggles in his life (mainly- identity and confusion) if he were raised by any gay couple right now. I don't think I would be so concerned if difficult child had past the age of finding his own self (not just sexual identity- but who HE wants to be) and if difficult child had resolved a lot of these difficult child issues. (A lot of difficult child's issues are due to his father never acknowledging him, seeing him, or even speaking to him.) I honestly do believe that under circumstances like this, the lifestyle of the people raising you can help shape the choices you make and the way you view yourself. I just don't think difficult child could handle going to sleep at night across the hall from a bedroom of 2 gay men in bed together right now. Actually, difficult child has told me himself that he WOULD NOT live that way. And, I used to like my bro's significant other. But I'll be d**medication if he is going to replace me as difficult child's mother, Know what I mean??? So, I hope that doesn't make me phobic about it. I would prefer that difficult child grow up, get married, never have anymore problems, have 2.5 kids and live in a house with a white picket fence, and all of us get along all of the time!! I will accept him and love him, even if (OKAAAY- WHEN) that doesn't happen. There are worse things that we as parents could have to adjust to. So, that is my thinking for the night!! [/QUOTE]
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