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easy child or difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 120859"><p>I think your daughter and mine are related. Mine has always been super needy and I've always explained it like you did - that there is this void that cannot be filled. It started at 3 1/2 weeks. Serious. I've always said that she could be an only child and I a stay at home mom that spent every second of every day with her and it still wouldn't be enough. She eats ALL the time, too, and always has but apparently mine has a hollow leg because she's not overweight. She must burn if off with all of her nervous energy. She's negative and a victim, too. Some days she s-ucks the life out of me. I feel like I could peel off skin for her and it wouldn't be enough. She wants me to fix absolutely everything even when there is no fix and becomes angry with me when I can't and has even told me 'if you really loved me you would think of something.' </p><p></p><p>But, you're looking for advice. I'm still learning and mine is almost 13. I have stopped giving into the negative ways of her seeking attention. She comes to me almost daily with complaints of not feeling well or her knee hurts, her ankle hurts, you get the idea. She knows the remedies that I can offer as I've repeated the same things daily for years. So, now I just tell her that I'm sorry she's feeling bad and that I hope she feels better. That infuriates her, too, because I obviously don't care if I don't fix it, but I'm not going to give her attention in that way. I do make sure to highlight the good times and when we've had a really good time in a healthy way, I make sure to tell her how much I enjoyed spending time with her.</p><p></p><p>I've basically quit engaging with her when she's being the victim and attention seeking. When she's out of the victim mode, I will talk to her about various things she's complained about to help her with skills. For example, everyone is always mean to her but she never does anything to prompt that kind of behavior from her peers. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite11" alt=":rolleyes:" title="Roll Eyes :rolleyes:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":rolleyes:" /> So, I will talk with her about what happened, ask her directly what she said or did, what the other person said or did and go over other ways it could have been handled. She never could before look outside of herself.</p><p></p><p>When she's seeking reassurance in a healthy manner, I make sure I give it to her. I try to find ways for her to succeed on her own as she always seems to expect to fail. I push for her to be more dependent on herself and less dependent on me. She taught herself to knit within the last year by watching videos online. She would become extremely frustrated and come to me in a hissy fit and I would just calmly tell her that she could do it. She made scarves for everyone for Christmas. She's made pillows, blankets and even a teddy bear without a pattern. Of course, when it doesn't come out perfect (by her amazingly high standards) she's upset, but I make sure to really stress how well she did and ooh-and ahh over it. The teddy bear is in my room. I love it. Not because it's cute or whatever (which it is), but because she did this on her own. I also got a scarf made by my sister-in-law for Christmas, but I make sure to wear the one Wynter made.</p><p></p><p>It's been a lot of trial and error and she is still a work in progress...we're not there yet. But, it is getting better. At a snail's pace, maybe, but it's something.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 120859"] I think your daughter and mine are related. Mine has always been super needy and I've always explained it like you did - that there is this void that cannot be filled. It started at 3 1/2 weeks. Serious. I've always said that she could be an only child and I a stay at home mom that spent every second of every day with her and it still wouldn't be enough. She eats ALL the time, too, and always has but apparently mine has a hollow leg because she's not overweight. She must burn if off with all of her nervous energy. She's negative and a victim, too. Some days she s-ucks the life out of me. I feel like I could peel off skin for her and it wouldn't be enough. She wants me to fix absolutely everything even when there is no fix and becomes angry with me when I can't and has even told me 'if you really loved me you would think of something.' But, you're looking for advice. I'm still learning and mine is almost 13. I have stopped giving into the negative ways of her seeking attention. She comes to me almost daily with complaints of not feeling well or her knee hurts, her ankle hurts, you get the idea. She knows the remedies that I can offer as I've repeated the same things daily for years. So, now I just tell her that I'm sorry she's feeling bad and that I hope she feels better. That infuriates her, too, because I obviously don't care if I don't fix it, but I'm not going to give her attention in that way. I do make sure to highlight the good times and when we've had a really good time in a healthy way, I make sure to tell her how much I enjoyed spending time with her. I've basically quit engaging with her when she's being the victim and attention seeking. When she's out of the victim mode, I will talk to her about various things she's complained about to help her with skills. For example, everyone is always mean to her but she never does anything to prompt that kind of behavior from her peers. :rolleyes: So, I will talk with her about what happened, ask her directly what she said or did, what the other person said or did and go over other ways it could have been handled. She never could before look outside of herself. When she's seeking reassurance in a healthy manner, I make sure I give it to her. I try to find ways for her to succeed on her own as she always seems to expect to fail. I push for her to be more dependent on herself and less dependent on me. She taught herself to knit within the last year by watching videos online. She would become extremely frustrated and come to me in a hissy fit and I would just calmly tell her that she could do it. She made scarves for everyone for Christmas. She's made pillows, blankets and even a teddy bear without a pattern. Of course, when it doesn't come out perfect (by her amazingly high standards) she's upset, but I make sure to really stress how well she did and ooh-and ahh over it. The teddy bear is in my room. I love it. Not because it's cute or whatever (which it is), but because she did this on her own. I also got a scarf made by my sister-in-law for Christmas, but I make sure to wear the one Wynter made. It's been a lot of trial and error and she is still a work in progress...we're not there yet. But, it is getting better. At a snail's pace, maybe, but it's something. [/QUOTE]
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