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easy child won't move home
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 266967" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Thank you all!</p><p> </p><p>She turned 18 last wk.</p><p> </p><p>But we do hold the purse strings. And she wants to go to college. The postmark deadline for the deposit is May 1. She's not going to jeopardize that. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>Yes, as Star said, she needs to take this stuff out of the box, go through it and shred it. We began that process this wk at the therapist's ofc.</p><p>She is very angry at the yrs she lost, so to speak, not being able to go everywhere because difficult child was tantruming, for ex., or not being able to have friends over. In fact, her friends did come over but they didn't like difficult child so her friends controlled her activities. I think she needs to be a bit angry with-them, too, and I told her so. For ex., I gave her the name of a person we know and said that if difficult child messed with-her, she'd turn her back and ignore him, but her main best friend is a drama queen and not only makes a big deal out of everything, she wants everything done HER way and she leads easy child around by her nose. So difficult child is behaving the same way toward them but their reactions are completely different.</p><p>easy child is tired of it but doesn't have the strength to walk away, (same with-her boyfriend), plus, this friend is very exciting and smart. </p><p>easy child has a "pleaser" personality and she has pleased us over the yrs with-her mature behavior, but has stuffed a lot of emotions, too. That was the price she pd. </p><p>She pleases her friends, too, to the point where she aggravates me and I have come up with-excuses for her to go places with-me to keep her occupied. (That won't work any more, LOL!) She is aware of that and figuring it all out. </p><p>So, Jane, you are right, she needs to feel she has control over her life, but it isn't just difficult child, it's everything. </p><p>Also, she's a "typical female" in that she doesn't make statements, she asks questions. </p><p>I have a guy friend who, several yrs ago, pointed out that I did that (boy, was I embarrassed). We had gone to an art fair and I said, "Do you want to cross the street here?" and he said, "Are you asking me for permission to cross the street? Do YOU want to cross the street? Why don't you just say, 'Let's cross the street?'"</p><p> </p><p>It sounds so obvious when people point it out but it's one of those long-standing habits that really define who you are. easy child does that all the time with-her friends. I'll say, "We're going to eat at XYZ. Tell your friend to meet us there at 6:30." She'll call her friend and say, "Is it okay if we eat at XYZ?"</p><p>I want to wring her neck! Arrrgh!</p><p> </p><p>She needs assertiveness training but she <em>can </em>be assertive because she's digging in her heels with-us. She can argue when she really wants to. </p><p> </p><p>Now I'm the one who's rambling ...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 266967, member: 3419"] Thank you all! She turned 18 last wk. But we do hold the purse strings. And she wants to go to college. The postmark deadline for the deposit is May 1. She's not going to jeopardize that. ;) Yes, as Star said, she needs to take this stuff out of the box, go through it and shred it. We began that process this wk at the therapist's ofc. She is very angry at the yrs she lost, so to speak, not being able to go everywhere because difficult child was tantruming, for ex., or not being able to have friends over. In fact, her friends did come over but they didn't like difficult child so her friends controlled her activities. I think she needs to be a bit angry with-them, too, and I told her so. For ex., I gave her the name of a person we know and said that if difficult child messed with-her, she'd turn her back and ignore him, but her main best friend is a drama queen and not only makes a big deal out of everything, she wants everything done HER way and she leads easy child around by her nose. So difficult child is behaving the same way toward them but their reactions are completely different. easy child is tired of it but doesn't have the strength to walk away, (same with-her boyfriend), plus, this friend is very exciting and smart. easy child has a "pleaser" personality and she has pleased us over the yrs with-her mature behavior, but has stuffed a lot of emotions, too. That was the price she pd. She pleases her friends, too, to the point where she aggravates me and I have come up with-excuses for her to go places with-me to keep her occupied. (That won't work any more, LOL!) She is aware of that and figuring it all out. So, Jane, you are right, she needs to feel she has control over her life, but it isn't just difficult child, it's everything. Also, she's a "typical female" in that she doesn't make statements, she asks questions. I have a guy friend who, several yrs ago, pointed out that I did that (boy, was I embarrassed). We had gone to an art fair and I said, "Do you want to cross the street here?" and he said, "Are you asking me for permission to cross the street? Do YOU want to cross the street? Why don't you just say, 'Let's cross the street?'" It sounds so obvious when people point it out but it's one of those long-standing habits that really define who you are. easy child does that all the time with-her friends. I'll say, "We're going to eat at XYZ. Tell your friend to meet us there at 6:30." She'll call her friend and say, "Is it okay if we eat at XYZ?" I want to wring her neck! Arrrgh! She needs assertiveness training but she [I]can [/I]be assertive because she's digging in her heels with-us. She can argue when she really wants to. Now I'm the one who's rambling ... [/QUOTE]
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