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Family of Origin
Elder Care & childrens care...guilt...choices...obligations..love..
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<blockquote data-quote="Confused" data-source="post: 644766" data-attributes="member: 18100"><p>GuideMe hugs <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>InsaneCdn, yes see! Its so hard to handle our kids and our elder because at the same time there is usually a problem right? How did you handle saying no on the elder care? Plus the overwhelming stress!Thats why I wrote you all, because you all get it! No matter how annoying I am, you all are always here for me <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p>MidwestMom, I know, you always told me my kids first, me a job then others when I can <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Im not sure how to quote you but when you said "nobody is making you take care of your entire family".. well ..I don't know. I mean, I could say no but no family will step up, and not only do I have no where to go, even if I had my own place Id feel guilty saying no, I mean, Ive needed help and gotten it( financially) and I couldnt see anyone being on the streets, I do love my dysfunctional family, I just cant handle caring for everyone! If I was rich, Id hire 24 care for gpa and visit him, buy a place for sister and dad,pay off Aunts ( gpas daughter) and my cousins who do really care about me( moms side) mortgages, and my own place with my kids. Of course Id help others who werent family. Aww I know a person can dream right? But his other son never helped him, his daughter doesnt want to come down anymore, even my sis when she comes down she is back and fourth helping him but she doesnt want to ( she wont) and she has issues anyways. Your dad sounds a lot like my grandpa. And the age!!! My grandpa will be 92 next month. Im proud of you standing up for yourself ! Sorry you went through heck with him.</p><p></p><p>2much2recover- Id help him a little then it turned to over full time care, at one point it was over 18hrs a day. He got stronger and I lessened the day time hours. ( he is mad about that but yet wants me to work) He always wants me to do something-everything ( he denies it) but yet I do it wrong 99% of the time. ( always been that way even before he was blind). As far as the neighbors they say they like to help him, hes a sweet old man ( many have been on the block for over 25yrs, a few left the same time grandpa has lived here) so they are friends with him and do what they can, or he will call them - especially two certain neighbors and tell them he hasnt eaten( he refuses my cooking most times) I havent done this or that can they do it etc. So they work their fanny off and they tell me"you need to do more for him and be there all the time since your not working and shouldnt work so you can care for him and my kids should understand that.You should bow down to him for everything financially he has done for your kids and you."Ummmm in a way I agree but realistically , I need to pay bills and support my kids... Im not getting younger, I have no social security hardly built up, if something happens overnight, I am in big trouble then I lose my kids for being homeless! I have no medical care for me either as I mentioned before. Oh and I told them the only way I could do that for grandpa 24/hrs is to have no kids and they didnt say anything but shrugged their shoulders at me! They have kids would they have gotten rid of them to care for an elder I asked, they didnt answer and said we are talking about you....So ya he tells them bologna bout me.</p><p></p><p>susiestar, can I post the list here? Id like your alls input on it! I know he has a lot of issues! Yes hes in the same home hes been in since 1956!!! My Aunt is his POA but not medical. doctors have cleared him and says he is still of sound mind, as did lawyers but that he should have someone there at night and check in on him during the day as much as possible because he is a fall risk and his medications cause dizziness. But still, hes still cleared. They know all his issues but say" keep an eye out, keep reporting back in case we need to change something " He does have a nurse come in once a week just to check in on him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Confused, post: 644766, member: 18100"] GuideMe hugs :) InsaneCdn, yes see! Its so hard to handle our kids and our elder because at the same time there is usually a problem right? How did you handle saying no on the elder care? Plus the overwhelming stress!Thats why I wrote you all, because you all get it! No matter how annoying I am, you all are always here for me :) MidwestMom, I know, you always told me my kids first, me a job then others when I can :) Im not sure how to quote you but when you said "nobody is making you take care of your entire family".. well ..I don't know. I mean, I could say no but no family will step up, and not only do I have no where to go, even if I had my own place Id feel guilty saying no, I mean, Ive needed help and gotten it( financially) and I couldnt see anyone being on the streets, I do love my dysfunctional family, I just cant handle caring for everyone! If I was rich, Id hire 24 care for gpa and visit him, buy a place for sister and dad,pay off Aunts ( gpas daughter) and my cousins who do really care about me( moms side) mortgages, and my own place with my kids. Of course Id help others who werent family. Aww I know a person can dream right? But his other son never helped him, his daughter doesnt want to come down anymore, even my sis when she comes down she is back and fourth helping him but she doesnt want to ( she wont) and she has issues anyways. Your dad sounds a lot like my grandpa. And the age!!! My grandpa will be 92 next month. Im proud of you standing up for yourself ! Sorry you went through heck with him. 2much2recover- Id help him a little then it turned to over full time care, at one point it was over 18hrs a day. He got stronger and I lessened the day time hours. ( he is mad about that but yet wants me to work) He always wants me to do something-everything ( he denies it) but yet I do it wrong 99% of the time. ( always been that way even before he was blind). As far as the neighbors they say they like to help him, hes a sweet old man ( many have been on the block for over 25yrs, a few left the same time grandpa has lived here) so they are friends with him and do what they can, or he will call them - especially two certain neighbors and tell them he hasnt eaten( he refuses my cooking most times) I havent done this or that can they do it etc. So they work their fanny off and they tell me"you need to do more for him and be there all the time since your not working and shouldnt work so you can care for him and my kids should understand that.You should bow down to him for everything financially he has done for your kids and you."Ummmm in a way I agree but realistically , I need to pay bills and support my kids... Im not getting younger, I have no social security hardly built up, if something happens overnight, I am in big trouble then I lose my kids for being homeless! I have no medical care for me either as I mentioned before. Oh and I told them the only way I could do that for grandpa 24/hrs is to have no kids and they didnt say anything but shrugged their shoulders at me! They have kids would they have gotten rid of them to care for an elder I asked, they didnt answer and said we are talking about you....So ya he tells them bologna bout me. susiestar, can I post the list here? Id like your alls input on it! I know he has a lot of issues! Yes hes in the same home hes been in since 1956!!! My Aunt is his POA but not medical. doctors have cleared him and says he is still of sound mind, as did lawyers but that he should have someone there at night and check in on him during the day as much as possible because he is a fall risk and his medications cause dizziness. But still, hes still cleared. They know all his issues but say" keep an eye out, keep reporting back in case we need to change something " He does have a nurse come in once a week just to check in on him. [/QUOTE]
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