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Family of Origin
Elder Care & childrens care...guilt...choices...obligations..love..
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 646428" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Your family is using you, glad you'll do it so they don't have to.</p><p></p><p>Confused, if they loved you they would not want you to do this. I am not saying they don't love you at all, but you are somebody they can boss around and treat badly and you refuse to change anything once your promised something, even if it's not working.</p><p></p><p>Confused, I would NEVER want my kids to feel they had to care for me when I was sick and needed grandpa's degree of care. As for sister...really? She's still young. There is help for her, whatever her issues are, and you don't have to house and care for her. Dad? Why does Dad want you to care for him on top of his difficult father? He can't live in assisted living either? What if you didn't exist? As for aunt, calling the shots from afar, let her try it and you'll see Grandpa and Dad suddenly getting A LOT of services so that aunt's life can go on, which is normal.</p><p></p><p>You are not obligated to keep a promise you probably made years ago when Grandpa, Dad and co. were all much healthier and you didn't know how hard it would be and maybe you didn't have children. Promises get broken because circumstances change. You are sacrificing getting valuable work experience in the prime of your life, having fun, and letting your own kids made noise in their own home, as kids do, for all these elder relatives who are taking advantage of you and guilting you.</p><p></p><p>What kind of life do YOU want? Why won't you go for it?</p><p></p><p>In the end, you will not get the appreciation or accolades you hope for, nor the love. Loving people don't do this to a family member. Let somebody else get Grandpa's house. Dad lives next door? Sister lives there? It will never really be your house anyway.</p><p></p><p>You should not be dead in ten years. I am guessing you are in your 30's. You should have forty or more years to go and your health should not be so bad at such a young age. I hope you learn to value yourself and do what is best for you. Nobody here can make you do it though. in my opinion it would be best to go very low contact with this bossy, bullying, guilt-you family and start your own life with your kids. You have a hard enough battle with them. Your son should not have to be quiet because of Grandpa. He's a little boy. They don't do quiet.</p><p></p><p>I am hopelful, with this last post of yours, that you are finally cutting the ties that bind.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and good wishes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 646428, member: 1550"] Your family is using you, glad you'll do it so they don't have to. Confused, if they loved you they would not want you to do this. I am not saying they don't love you at all, but you are somebody they can boss around and treat badly and you refuse to change anything once your promised something, even if it's not working. Confused, I would NEVER want my kids to feel they had to care for me when I was sick and needed grandpa's degree of care. As for sister...really? She's still young. There is help for her, whatever her issues are, and you don't have to house and care for her. Dad? Why does Dad want you to care for him on top of his difficult father? He can't live in assisted living either? What if you didn't exist? As for aunt, calling the shots from afar, let her try it and you'll see Grandpa and Dad suddenly getting A LOT of services so that aunt's life can go on, which is normal. You are not obligated to keep a promise you probably made years ago when Grandpa, Dad and co. were all much healthier and you didn't know how hard it would be and maybe you didn't have children. Promises get broken because circumstances change. You are sacrificing getting valuable work experience in the prime of your life, having fun, and letting your own kids made noise in their own home, as kids do, for all these elder relatives who are taking advantage of you and guilting you. What kind of life do YOU want? Why won't you go for it? In the end, you will not get the appreciation or accolades you hope for, nor the love. Loving people don't do this to a family member. Let somebody else get Grandpa's house. Dad lives next door? Sister lives there? It will never really be your house anyway. You should not be dead in ten years. I am guessing you are in your 30's. You should have forty or more years to go and your health should not be so bad at such a young age. I hope you learn to value yourself and do what is best for you. Nobody here can make you do it though. in my opinion it would be best to go very low contact with this bossy, bullying, guilt-you family and start your own life with your kids. You have a hard enough battle with them. Your son should not have to be quiet because of Grandpa. He's a little boy. They don't do quiet. I am hopelful, with this last post of yours, that you are finally cutting the ties that bind. Hugs and good wishes. [/QUOTE]
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