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Family of Origin
Elder Care & childrens care...guilt...choices...obligations..love..
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 646954" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>The guilt is the part that makes the abuse possible. And that has to do with how you see yourself and your role. You sound so much like me, Confused. I have willingly "helped" myself into positions where people were walking all over me.</p><p></p><p>And I never even knew that is what they were doing, or that there was anything wrong with it.</p><p></p><p>I would never try to evade helping. It does not compute for me that anyone else would, either.</p><p></p><p>But they do that.</p><p></p><p>Here is a beginning way out. </p><p></p><p>Time.</p><p></p><p>Take control first of your time.</p><p></p><p>Give them notice and then, don't go there.</p><p></p><p>You need someone to fill in for you Tues - Thurs. (Or whatever days you choose.) You are going to be taking a class, you think you might have found work. Stick to it. Not "Can you help with so and so," but "I will not be there on the following days." Or for the following weeks. Just like we have to do it with our difficult child kids, we have to stand up to our families of origin.</p><p></p><p>In my case, I think they already did not like me. They only liked that there was always someone who could understand their crappiness into decency.</p><p></p><p>Or maybe that was me who thought that.</p><p></p><p>It is a two-handed sword. </p><p></p><p>What they do about your choosing to stand up is up to them ~ and is on them.</p><p></p><p>MWM is right.</p><p></p><p>You are the young mom, here. The others are using you. Your children need you and you need them. That is why we have children in the first place. </p><p></p><p>To be their mothers.</p><p></p><p>Warm and peaceful or kicking up a storm, your children need time with you, too.</p><p></p><p>It happens that as we stand up just a little, we get stronger. And the next step is just as scary. One day, we wake up and find ourselves in a bright, happy place from which our families of origin look pretty messed up.</p><p></p><p>I still can hardly believe it.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 646954, member: 17461"] The guilt is the part that makes the abuse possible. And that has to do with how you see yourself and your role. You sound so much like me, Confused. I have willingly "helped" myself into positions where people were walking all over me. And I never even knew that is what they were doing, or that there was anything wrong with it. I would never try to evade helping. It does not compute for me that anyone else would, either. But they do that. Here is a beginning way out. Time. Take control first of your time. Give them notice and then, don't go there. You need someone to fill in for you Tues - Thurs. (Or whatever days you choose.) You are going to be taking a class, you think you might have found work. Stick to it. Not "Can you help with so and so," but "I will not be there on the following days." Or for the following weeks. Just like we have to do it with our difficult child kids, we have to stand up to our families of origin. In my case, I think they already did not like me. They only liked that there was always someone who could understand their crappiness into decency. Or maybe that was me who thought that. It is a two-handed sword. What they do about your choosing to stand up is up to them ~ and is on them. MWM is right. You are the young mom, here. The others are using you. Your children need you and you need them. That is why we have children in the first place. To be their mothers. Warm and peaceful or kicking up a storm, your children need time with you, too. It happens that as we stand up just a little, we get stronger. And the next step is just as scary. One day, we wake up and find ourselves in a bright, happy place from which our families of origin look pretty messed up. I still can hardly believe it. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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