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Family of Origin
Elder Care & childrens care...guilt...choices...obligations..love..
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 647190" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I believe this is true. My mother said something like this to me once re: caring for my mother. "It's so funny to see the jealousy between you and your sister over me."</p><p></p><p>As is so often the case with my mom, I said nothing at all.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps it was true.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I never was the black sheep. When we change our roles though, when we begin to get what is happening and stand up ~ man, do the reasons why our families of origin never worked in the first place become glaringly clear.</p><p></p><p>Or maybe I was the black sheep, periodically.</p><p></p><p>There were all those years when my parents and I didn't speak.</p><p></p><p>I always think I am not sure what those times were about. Maybe, that is just the sickness in unhealthy families. Someone has to be on the outside looking in for the family to feel they are inside? It does seem that if my sister is involved, she and my mother create a reality of "I'm Chevy Chase and you're not."</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>I think the difference might be that healthy families do not assign roles. Everything might be very fluid, in those families, so things don't bounce between extremes the way they do in unhealthy families.</p><p></p><p>Here is the thing. In unhealthy families, there is always a faction, always someone who isn't speaking to someone until that doesn't mean anything, either.</p><p></p><p>There is no serious, true thing in unhealthy families.</p><p></p><p>Nothing to hold on to and nothing to stand for.</p><p></p><p>How sad for us, and how good it must feel in healthy families.</p><p></p><p>So that is what we are going to shoot for, here.</p><p></p><p>For you and your children, for the family you make with your children, to be healthy and independent and happy, Confused.</p><p></p><p>I have learned alot about how to do that, and about how to see what healthy is, here on this site.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Have you checked with Social Services? Simply present the issue. You don't know what you need yet, because you don't know whether or how they may be able to help you with apartment, food, child or respite care.</p><p></p><p>That would be for you. Two special needs children means you need some time away, too. Time just for you.</p><p></p><p>There may even be respite care for the grandpa.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh, I think you are very different. This is your time to grow out of who your family promised you you were or could ever be.</p><p></p><p>They lied.</p><p></p><p>You can be whoever you see in your mind's eye.</p><p></p><p>That is how they trapped you in the first place.</p><p></p><p>It will be scary as you change your idea of who you are and then, change your life accordingly?</p><p></p><p>But we will be right here.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Me, too.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 647190, member: 17461"] I believe this is true. My mother said something like this to me once re: caring for my mother. "It's so funny to see the jealousy between you and your sister over me." As is so often the case with my mom, I said nothing at all. Perhaps it was true. :O) *** I never was the black sheep. When we change our roles though, when we begin to get what is happening and stand up ~ man, do the reasons why our families of origin never worked in the first place become glaringly clear. Or maybe I was the black sheep, periodically. There were all those years when my parents and I didn't speak. I always think I am not sure what those times were about. Maybe, that is just the sickness in unhealthy families. Someone has to be on the outside looking in for the family to feel they are inside? It does seem that if my sister is involved, she and my mother create a reality of "I'm Chevy Chase and you're not." *** I think the difference might be that healthy families do not assign roles. Everything might be very fluid, in those families, so things don't bounce between extremes the way they do in unhealthy families. Here is the thing. In unhealthy families, there is always a faction, always someone who isn't speaking to someone until that doesn't mean anything, either. There is no serious, true thing in unhealthy families. Nothing to hold on to and nothing to stand for. How sad for us, and how good it must feel in healthy families. So that is what we are going to shoot for, here. For you and your children, for the family you make with your children, to be healthy and independent and happy, Confused. I have learned alot about how to do that, and about how to see what healthy is, here on this site. *** Have you checked with Social Services? Simply present the issue. You don't know what you need yet, because you don't know whether or how they may be able to help you with apartment, food, child or respite care. That would be for you. Two special needs children means you need some time away, too. Time just for you. There may even be respite care for the grandpa. Oh, I think you are very different. This is your time to grow out of who your family promised you you were or could ever be. They lied. You can be whoever you see in your mind's eye. That is how they trapped you in the first place. It will be scary as you change your idea of who you are and then, change your life accordingly? But we will be right here. Me, too. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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