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Family of Origin
Elder Care & childrens care...guilt...choices...obligations..love..
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 647195" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I see it this way.</p><p></p><p>They are NOT capable of unconditional love, which is what we think of when he think "family."</p><p></p><p>If you do what the Family Controller says (that is whoever basically bosses everyone around; sometimes there are two of them), then they treat you as if you are in their favor. I hesitate to call it love, but at least you are playing your designated role in the family so you are allowed to be a part of the group.</p><p></p><p>If you dare to defy The Controller(s) and tell them that you no longer accept your designated role anymore and that you want to be in control of your own life, well, it can go so far as to be ostracized or tossed out of the fold. At the very least, pressure, guilt, and abuse is heaped on you for defying what the group has come to expect you to do.</p><p></p><p>It sounds scary and awful for those still brainwashed as I was that you MUST do for your family, but is it a bad thing to be ostracized from this sort of group?</p><p></p><p>We are normally pack animals and like to be part of a group, and if we are used to abusive groups in which we are seen in an inferior or abused role, we can still be afraid to leave it. But we must if we want any sort of life at all. Or if we don't want to pass this horror show onto our children. If that is all they see, they tend to copy the patterns of their youth, as so many of us did in our first (lol) marriages.</p><p></p><p>A child brought up around abuse knows nothing else unless he flees and spreads his wings and learns. That may mean they take off from us too, if they think we are part of the problem.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to change how we think about our relatives. Beaver Cleaver and The Brady Bunch taught us "family above all else." They never did go into how it is for children who don't have kind, understanding, fair and loving parents like the Cleavers or the Bradys. So we feel that we have to try to fit our families into those roles, even if they are nothing like that.</p><p></p><p>"Honor thy Mother and Father."</p><p></p><p>This doesn't help either. in my opinion we honor people who deserve our honor and respect.</p><p></p><p>I had a horrible nightmare about my mother last night.</p><p></p><p>She has been dead now for over ten years yet every dream I have about her is still a nightmare.</p><p></p><p>I will never honor her. I believe there is another life after this one. I will work it out then, not now. And I will honor and respect those who deserve it, even if they are not part of my DNA. There is nothing hard or sacred about breeding. The lowest form of life can breed. MY DNA is my DNA by accident, not by choice. Or maybe they are my DNA to teach me. But they are not my DNA for me to have to blindly accept or love them, in spite of abuse. I, nobody is obligated to give up our own lives for other people's wants and desires. Loving relatives would not want the young to give up their youth for them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 647195, member: 1550"] I see it this way. They are NOT capable of unconditional love, which is what we think of when he think "family." If you do what the Family Controller says (that is whoever basically bosses everyone around; sometimes there are two of them), then they treat you as if you are in their favor. I hesitate to call it love, but at least you are playing your designated role in the family so you are allowed to be a part of the group. If you dare to defy The Controller(s) and tell them that you no longer accept your designated role anymore and that you want to be in control of your own life, well, it can go so far as to be ostracized or tossed out of the fold. At the very least, pressure, guilt, and abuse is heaped on you for defying what the group has come to expect you to do. It sounds scary and awful for those still brainwashed as I was that you MUST do for your family, but is it a bad thing to be ostracized from this sort of group? We are normally pack animals and like to be part of a group, and if we are used to abusive groups in which we are seen in an inferior or abused role, we can still be afraid to leave it. But we must if we want any sort of life at all. Or if we don't want to pass this horror show onto our children. If that is all they see, they tend to copy the patterns of their youth, as so many of us did in our first (lol) marriages. A child brought up around abuse knows nothing else unless he flees and spreads his wings and learns. That may mean they take off from us too, if they think we are part of the problem. It is hard to change how we think about our relatives. Beaver Cleaver and The Brady Bunch taught us "family above all else." They never did go into how it is for children who don't have kind, understanding, fair and loving parents like the Cleavers or the Bradys. So we feel that we have to try to fit our families into those roles, even if they are nothing like that. "Honor thy Mother and Father." This doesn't help either. in my opinion we honor people who deserve our honor and respect. I had a horrible nightmare about my mother last night. She has been dead now for over ten years yet every dream I have about her is still a nightmare. I will never honor her. I believe there is another life after this one. I will work it out then, not now. And I will honor and respect those who deserve it, even if they are not part of my DNA. There is nothing hard or sacred about breeding. The lowest form of life can breed. MY DNA is my DNA by accident, not by choice. Or maybe they are my DNA to teach me. But they are not my DNA for me to have to blindly accept or love them, in spite of abuse. I, nobody is obligated to give up our own lives for other people's wants and desires. Loving relatives would not want the young to give up their youth for them. [/QUOTE]
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Elder Care & childrens care...guilt...choices...obligations..love..
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