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Email from difficult child-- do I (how) respond?
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<blockquote data-quote="BackintheSaddle" data-source="post: 619280" data-attributes="member: 17503"><p>when I stopped enabling her, she pretty much stopped contacting me. </p><p></p><p>Read more: <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/email-from-difficult child-do-i-how-respond.56370/#ixzz2sOfGW4kw" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/email-from-difficult child-do-i-how-respond.56370/#ixzz2sOfGW4kw</a></p><p> </p><p>Hello everyone-- thanks for the posts last night and today...they're perfect...I've had a sad day today-- I guess it's the realization that I really don't matter to him...I was a single mom, decided to keep him, put myself through school so I could afford a decent life for us, terminated his sperm donors rights because he didn't want anything to do with him, married a wonderful man who immediately adopted difficult child and we've been a family ever since...my husband has put up with so much crap from that child...when you suggest above, let's pause and talk about it later, when my difficult child lived here the last few months, I tried that a couple of times...I would say I want to talk about it later and turn and walk away...he'd follow me and keep at it!...trying to make his point, bully me (I realized later) into giving him what he wanted...I hope it works better for you than it did for me!...;-)....you're so right about the circular conversations and how I'd walk away from them so so many times thinking I must have misremembered, misunderstood, something for things to be so out of whack!?...but it mostly wasn't me-- I can't say I haven't made mistake, but I can say that I did everything for that child that was humanly possible, standing by him through so much crap at school, with friend after friend not wanting to have anything to do with him and me always being there to play or take him to the movie as he got older so he wouldn't be alone...I poured my heart into raising him and isn't that what we're supposed to do? that's what they teach us anyhow...but he's got such a sick thought process that he can't remember anything (literally) good about his childhood, says it was horrible (mind you, we've travelled alot, done a lot of fun things, hung out at the beach a lot, etc)...no alcohol or drugs in the home and the only abuse came from him...we always used language like 'I don't like your behavior' or whatever and not say 'you', no imply that it was him but what he was doing that was the problem...still do that but he has nothing nice to say about me or his life growing up...I do feel so tired and used...and I keep wondering today, which I guess is why I can't shake the sadness, what did I do it all for? maybe I should have just let him do whatever, not be as engaged in his life as I was...then it wouldn't hurt so bad now that he doesn't give a damn...</p><p>thanks for the messages...just having a bad day, trying not to cry and push myself to get through it...things will be better tomorrow!...;-)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BackintheSaddle, post: 619280, member: 17503"] when I stopped enabling her, she pretty much stopped contacting me. Read more: [url]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/email-from-difficult child-do-i-how-respond.56370/#ixzz2sOfGW4kw[/url] Hello everyone-- thanks for the posts last night and today...they're perfect...I've had a sad day today-- I guess it's the realization that I really don't matter to him...I was a single mom, decided to keep him, put myself through school so I could afford a decent life for us, terminated his sperm donors rights because he didn't want anything to do with him, married a wonderful man who immediately adopted difficult child and we've been a family ever since...my husband has put up with so much crap from that child...when you suggest above, let's pause and talk about it later, when my difficult child lived here the last few months, I tried that a couple of times...I would say I want to talk about it later and turn and walk away...he'd follow me and keep at it!...trying to make his point, bully me (I realized later) into giving him what he wanted...I hope it works better for you than it did for me!...;-)....you're so right about the circular conversations and how I'd walk away from them so so many times thinking I must have misremembered, misunderstood, something for things to be so out of whack!?...but it mostly wasn't me-- I can't say I haven't made mistake, but I can say that I did everything for that child that was humanly possible, standing by him through so much crap at school, with friend after friend not wanting to have anything to do with him and me always being there to play or take him to the movie as he got older so he wouldn't be alone...I poured my heart into raising him and isn't that what we're supposed to do? that's what they teach us anyhow...but he's got such a sick thought process that he can't remember anything (literally) good about his childhood, says it was horrible (mind you, we've travelled alot, done a lot of fun things, hung out at the beach a lot, etc)...no alcohol or drugs in the home and the only abuse came from him...we always used language like 'I don't like your behavior' or whatever and not say 'you', no imply that it was him but what he was doing that was the problem...still do that but he has nothing nice to say about me or his life growing up...I do feel so tired and used...and I keep wondering today, which I guess is why I can't shake the sadness, what did I do it all for? maybe I should have just let him do whatever, not be as engaged in his life as I was...then it wouldn't hurt so bad now that he doesn't give a damn... thanks for the messages...just having a bad day, trying not to cry and push myself to get through it...things will be better tomorrow!...;-) [/QUOTE]
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