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Family of Origin
Embracing dysfunction
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 629632" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Dstc, for me playing it safe did work for a long time and I certainly get why I felt it necessary. And it was. My childhood was turbulent, I needed that safety and predictability. And to get that, I did have to cut some less safe and predictable people and things from my life. Of course the time I played it safest was a time my children were young. I wanted them to have very different childhood than I had, but now that they are grown (my littlest turned 18 just few days ago) that is not needed any more. And I have matured and got stronger. I can handle things better than when I was young so those walls I built are not necessary any more and I start to see what I robbed from myself by building and up keeping those walls.</p><p></p><p>I have had some close friends for a long time, but those too I safe even if we do have different life situations, different opinions and so on. We do share many of the core values. With my dad and his family I'm opening myself up to something really different, really foreign compared to my set of beliefs. I don't find it likely that I would form much of the real friendships with my cousins for example, our lives and values are just so different, but just accepting them to be part of my life, to get to know them, gives me the whole new outlook to life.</p><p></p><p>While it makes sense to distance yourself from sources of hurt, I never really stopped to think what doing that cost me. Sure, it gave me some peace of mind, calmness, predictability, serenity, if you will, but it also robbed me of living a full life, being actually attached to living. That is too high cost for me, and I have consciously started to rip down those walls and let a life in and thus far I like it. I really do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 629632, member: 14557"] Dstc, for me playing it safe did work for a long time and I certainly get why I felt it necessary. And it was. My childhood was turbulent, I needed that safety and predictability. And to get that, I did have to cut some less safe and predictable people and things from my life. Of course the time I played it safest was a time my children were young. I wanted them to have very different childhood than I had, but now that they are grown (my littlest turned 18 just few days ago) that is not needed any more. And I have matured and got stronger. I can handle things better than when I was young so those walls I built are not necessary any more and I start to see what I robbed from myself by building and up keeping those walls. I have had some close friends for a long time, but those too I safe even if we do have different life situations, different opinions and so on. We do share many of the core values. With my dad and his family I'm opening myself up to something really different, really foreign compared to my set of beliefs. I don't find it likely that I would form much of the real friendships with my cousins for example, our lives and values are just so different, but just accepting them to be part of my life, to get to know them, gives me the whole new outlook to life. While it makes sense to distance yourself from sources of hurt, I never really stopped to think what doing that cost me. Sure, it gave me some peace of mind, calmness, predictability, serenity, if you will, but it also robbed me of living a full life, being actually attached to living. That is too high cost for me, and I have consciously started to rip down those walls and let a life in and thus far I like it. I really do. [/QUOTE]
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