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Embracing his failure
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742283" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think I go into trauma mode. I have found that the first reaction typically does not sustain itself.</p><p></p><p>I have to roll with it in order to experience the various emotions that come up for me. I am recently, just a couple of days, engaging in conversation with my son to come back to our town (he is homeless, because I threw him out.) At first, when I opened up to him, I felt happy, hopeful. Now I am having the backlash of dread, the recognition that I am opening up to more of the same.</p><p></p><p>I think these contradictory feelings are normal. It is ambivalence. How could I not feel both hope and fear and dread? Who in their right mind would say, OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING? When almost the last decade has been a roller coaster of resistance, wanting, and pain....which has led invariably to more pain.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, it is a beautiful morning, if there is a way that I can set aside the domination of reaction that result from the past patterns. There is always hope. I think our challenge is to do this. To act from our love and our home (I meant to write, hope, but I think home fits too), and to push to the side, our dread.</p><p></p><p>I think that is what you are doing. You are you. You are safe. You have your music. You have your family and your home. Your pets, if you have them. You are connected to your son. You are talking. You are supporting him. It is a glass half full. I think the ability to stay within this connectedness, is a blessing. I hope I never again push my son away so that I lose that. Because when I lose that I lose the best of myself.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing that detachment is a process that is completely internal and it is not contingent upon any external circumstance. The external circumstances that are important are not those in our children. It is how we choose to act for ourselves. Proactively, seeking support, doing what we can do to surround ourselves with life choices that affirm us, not them. Of which we are the center, not them.</p><p></p><p>It is taking me way too long to learn what you seem to have hit upon now. Good for you.</p><p></p><p>I am not minimizing how hard this is. I know how hard it is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742283, member: 18958"] I think I go into trauma mode. I have found that the first reaction typically does not sustain itself. I have to roll with it in order to experience the various emotions that come up for me. I am recently, just a couple of days, engaging in conversation with my son to come back to our town (he is homeless, because I threw him out.) At first, when I opened up to him, I felt happy, hopeful. Now I am having the backlash of dread, the recognition that I am opening up to more of the same. I think these contradictory feelings are normal. It is ambivalence. How could I not feel both hope and fear and dread? Who in their right mind would say, OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING? When almost the last decade has been a roller coaster of resistance, wanting, and pain....which has led invariably to more pain. But the thing is, it is a beautiful morning, if there is a way that I can set aside the domination of reaction that result from the past patterns. There is always hope. I think our challenge is to do this. To act from our love and our home (I meant to write, hope, but I think home fits too), and to push to the side, our dread. I think that is what you are doing. You are you. You are safe. You have your music. You have your family and your home. Your pets, if you have them. You are connected to your son. You are talking. You are supporting him. It is a glass half full. I think the ability to stay within this connectedness, is a blessing. I hope I never again push my son away so that I lose that. Because when I lose that I lose the best of myself. I am seeing that detachment is a process that is completely internal and it is not contingent upon any external circumstance. The external circumstances that are important are not those in our children. It is how we choose to act for ourselves. Proactively, seeking support, doing what we can do to surround ourselves with life choices that affirm us, not them. Of which we are the center, not them. It is taking me way too long to learn what you seem to have hit upon now. Good for you. I am not minimizing how hard this is. I know how hard it is. [/QUOTE]
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