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Empathy. Can it be taught to somebody that doesn't already have it?
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<blockquote data-quote="Dixies_fire" data-source="post: 599450" data-attributes="member: 16184"><p>As I have an ex with the "no gifts" or "few gifts" policy and my best friend's husband who she is leaving has the same disease.</p><p></p><p>I know how that might sound to someone on the outside but it is very frustrating to get little to know attention on Valentina's birthdays or Christmas. My ex was a house husband for much of our relationship so if he got me anything I was paying for it which I didn't really mind it was "our" money and I really did not feel like rearranging my life and my kids schedule to accommodate a job that probably wasn't going to pay much over ten dollars an hour that he may or may not keep for awhile.</p><p></p><p>When I got a gift it was almost always because I asked for it. Practically picked it out and then he would buy it.</p><p>This won't change even when or if you explain how you feel, even if you shower him on those special occasions he won't step up or if he does it will be minimal so he isn't accused of being cheap or uncaring.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry he's one of those people he doesn't feel bad because even though his job isn't stellar and he obviously isn't doing that well in life, he thinks for whatever reason he is better then others.</p><p></p><p>As for the cleaning after himself and you pointing out that he may not feel it is his responsibility, he can't have it both ways. If he is a guest in your home then he should be picking up after himself because that is polite as a guest . If he lives there and pays some utilities he is not a guest and should still be picking up after himself and helping out.</p><p></p><p>No this can't be taught or trained into someone not really. You can raise hell about it and they MIGHT grudgingly help out or give a gift but it is never going to be, "here honey that looks heavy can I get it for you or I know you don't feel well so I made dinner" it's more like "dumb lazy woman this is YOUR job not mine why am I helping you"</p><p></p><p>Is be pushing him to find a room, if he asks why I'd tell him, he's uncaring and doesn't help out or take care of himself or you"</p><p></p><p>Even if he did start to do these things would he do them after a marriage? Probably not. We are all women here, a man who wants to marry will do anything to get you to the altar and then things start to change only the fundamental parts of his nature stay the same. If he is a complimented he still compliments if he does around the house he will keep doing around the house, but if he isn't and that was just an act to get you to marry him, it doesn't even take a year for it to go away.</p><p></p><p>Just my opinion dump him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dixies_fire, post: 599450, member: 16184"] As I have an ex with the "no gifts" or "few gifts" policy and my best friend's husband who she is leaving has the same disease. I know how that might sound to someone on the outside but it is very frustrating to get little to know attention on Valentina's birthdays or Christmas. My ex was a house husband for much of our relationship so if he got me anything I was paying for it which I didn't really mind it was "our" money and I really did not feel like rearranging my life and my kids schedule to accommodate a job that probably wasn't going to pay much over ten dollars an hour that he may or may not keep for awhile. When I got a gift it was almost always because I asked for it. Practically picked it out and then he would buy it. This won't change even when or if you explain how you feel, even if you shower him on those special occasions he won't step up or if he does it will be minimal so he isn't accused of being cheap or uncaring. I'm sorry he's one of those people he doesn't feel bad because even though his job isn't stellar and he obviously isn't doing that well in life, he thinks for whatever reason he is better then others. As for the cleaning after himself and you pointing out that he may not feel it is his responsibility, he can't have it both ways. If he is a guest in your home then he should be picking up after himself because that is polite as a guest . If he lives there and pays some utilities he is not a guest and should still be picking up after himself and helping out. No this can't be taught or trained into someone not really. You can raise hell about it and they MIGHT grudgingly help out or give a gift but it is never going to be, "here honey that looks heavy can I get it for you or I know you don't feel well so I made dinner" it's more like "dumb lazy woman this is YOUR job not mine why am I helping you" Is be pushing him to find a room, if he asks why I'd tell him, he's uncaring and doesn't help out or take care of himself or you" Even if he did start to do these things would he do them after a marriage? Probably not. We are all women here, a man who wants to marry will do anything to get you to the altar and then things start to change only the fundamental parts of his nature stay the same. If he is a complimented he still compliments if he does around the house he will keep doing around the house, but if he isn't and that was just an act to get you to marry him, it doesn't even take a year for it to go away. Just my opinion dump him. [/QUOTE]
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Empathy. Can it be taught to somebody that doesn't already have it?
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