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Emptynester and sad..
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<blockquote data-quote="compassion" data-source="post: 599102" data-attributes="member: 6393"><p>My difficult child has done similar "runs" many times. I find it important not to buy into the guilt/blame/fear. I find that her need to assert her independence, identity and individuate/separate from me takes on forms that true to her personality/illnesses are dangerous, in my view. Last year I had tried so hard to support her to go to the community college, she was 19, she spun a psychiatrist, became her own payee for SSID so she would have the money. She took off with her boyfriend and they were living in a tent in Fl. in July! That did not last long, she has been back at our country home now since last Aug. She is now 20. It is baby steps and I always call it a marathon not a sprint! If I can let go shore my energy up for the ultimate needy times, that can help. I find that the more I try to engage when she is in breakaway mode, the more she resists. When I back off, then at times, like currently, she calls me frequently. There have been months though where she did not speak to me. The treatment you sought was because of HER behavior/needs. I have to focus very hard on what a great mom I was because those perfect mother/guilt feelings can be emotionally lethal! I always find summers challenging with her. It is her biggest party time. Even kids that are fairly compliant during the school year, see summers as party time. This year, trying to reinforce her working. She has a part-time job at a sports bar in the university town she lives near. She has not worked since May 12. She says she will, but have not seen it yet. Detatchment and trying to take very good care of me helps me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="compassion, post: 599102, member: 6393"] My difficult child has done similar "runs" many times. I find it important not to buy into the guilt/blame/fear. I find that her need to assert her independence, identity and individuate/separate from me takes on forms that true to her personality/illnesses are dangerous, in my view. Last year I had tried so hard to support her to go to the community college, she was 19, she spun a psychiatrist, became her own payee for SSID so she would have the money. She took off with her boyfriend and they were living in a tent in Fl. in July! That did not last long, she has been back at our country home now since last Aug. She is now 20. It is baby steps and I always call it a marathon not a sprint! If I can let go shore my energy up for the ultimate needy times, that can help. I find that the more I try to engage when she is in breakaway mode, the more she resists. When I back off, then at times, like currently, she calls me frequently. There have been months though where she did not speak to me. The treatment you sought was because of HER behavior/needs. I have to focus very hard on what a great mom I was because those perfect mother/guilt feelings can be emotionally lethal! I always find summers challenging with her. It is her biggest party time. Even kids that are fairly compliant during the school year, see summers as party time. This year, trying to reinforce her working. She has a part-time job at a sports bar in the university town she lives near. She has not worked since May 12. She says she will, but have not seen it yet. Detatchment and trying to take very good care of me helps me. [/QUOTE]
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