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Enabling coming to a quick halt
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 740638" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Im glad she is better for now. You dont ever need to solve her money issues again.</p><p></p><p>With my having an autistic son, I was always focused on how he could take care of himsrlf after I am gone. This was always in the back of my mind with him. So I made sure he depended on others too. There is not always us. With the types of adults who bring us hete, if we leave them a lot of money chances are they will blow it. They need to be used to having to deal alone without us. Even autistic adults and those who self sabatoge will be alone usually for decades. My daughter will help my son, but she will also have her own family!</p><p></p><p>On boyfriend. Your daughter does not want to be alone probably and her boyfriend may not be good enough for her in your eyes but she needs him. He doesnt expect her to be stable or consistent or independent. He has low expectations to keep him there. Higher functioning men would likely not put up with it. She is not well even with a college education. I would let it go. She wants a partner and is comfortable that he wont leave her. You cant force her to take the risk of aloneness. If she even possibly may have borderline traits, being alone is their biggest terror.Trust me, I would feel like you, yet I think I may get why this works for her. An independent man with a good job who never asked Mom for money wont understand her and probably wont like her dependency.</p><p></p><p>Her hygiene is frustrating for sure but out of your hands. She is approaching middle age. You cant make her do these things. Must not matter to her. At least she has her own business and she is her own boss. No one else to please. This is a good thing for her.</p><p></p><p>I am glad she is in a better place for now. Be on guard .be consistent with how you treat her. Treat her the same way regarding your money no matter what. She needs to learn to live without you even if that is twenty yeats from now. She needs to know she must grow up and maybe get mental health help. If not... She has to learn how to live the hard way, like so many here. It will happen if she stagnates. One day.</p><p></p><p>Much love snd ligjt!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 740638, member: 1550"] Im glad she is better for now. You dont ever need to solve her money issues again. With my having an autistic son, I was always focused on how he could take care of himsrlf after I am gone. This was always in the back of my mind with him. So I made sure he depended on others too. There is not always us. With the types of adults who bring us hete, if we leave them a lot of money chances are they will blow it. They need to be used to having to deal alone without us. Even autistic adults and those who self sabatoge will be alone usually for decades. My daughter will help my son, but she will also have her own family! On boyfriend. Your daughter does not want to be alone probably and her boyfriend may not be good enough for her in your eyes but she needs him. He doesnt expect her to be stable or consistent or independent. He has low expectations to keep him there. Higher functioning men would likely not put up with it. She is not well even with a college education. I would let it go. She wants a partner and is comfortable that he wont leave her. You cant force her to take the risk of aloneness. If she even possibly may have borderline traits, being alone is their biggest terror.Trust me, I would feel like you, yet I think I may get why this works for her. An independent man with a good job who never asked Mom for money wont understand her and probably wont like her dependency. Her hygiene is frustrating for sure but out of your hands. She is approaching middle age. You cant make her do these things. Must not matter to her. At least she has her own business and she is her own boss. No one else to please. This is a good thing for her. I am glad she is in a better place for now. Be on guard .be consistent with how you treat her. Treat her the same way regarding your money no matter what. She needs to learn to live without you even if that is twenty yeats from now. She needs to know she must grow up and maybe get mental health help. If not... She has to learn how to live the hard way, like so many here. It will happen if she stagnates. One day. Much love snd ligjt! [/QUOTE]
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Enabling coming to a quick halt
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