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Enabling coming to a quick halt
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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 740649" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p><em>SWOT, I agree with you about my daughter not wanting to be alone and her boyfriend maybe the only guy that will tolerate her. In past years she has been with many great guys that were willing to work with her on her mental problems but I do not know if they could tolerate her for the long haul, I have trouble tolerating her and I love her with my entire heart and soul. My daughter is very draining with her constant drama, paranoia, lying, being very mean and rude.</em></p><p><em>I once overheard my daughter say that she can't believe her boyfriend still tolerates her and she also has said many times that she is too mean to live with anyone. When I have the problem with the boyfriend is when it costs me money or she tells me how awful he is, I always say 'then help him not be awful'. I get a sense of security knowing he is around so she is not alone. He is a tall strong man so I feel she has some protection. I have never seen any evidence that he has hit her in anyway, and God knows it takes a ton of strength not to punch her while she is manic. I have had many long talks with my daughter about her personal hygiene. My daughter is very paranoid about germs. I think when she goes into depression she just does not have the energy to take a shower. I remember many times inviting her to a dress up party or dinner and she smelled bad. This is inexcuseable with so many showers handy. I told her just say no, I can't make it and if she says yes then at least take a bath.</em></p><p><em>Tanya, I do know it takes years to see a positive change. My daughter only has a few more years until her house is paid off. She has blown it a few times and I have jumped down and saved her and the house. I know she knows that I am truly DONE with it. It is in my words, tone and body language. With just a few short years she will have a very nice home to live in that will be paid. I think she realized what a good deal that was after looking for an apartment. We put a huge down payment on her home so her payments are doable, the same it would cost to live in a small studio apartment. It seems she has a good roommate that is clean and pays on time. If her boyfriend would contribute she could really get ahead but with him just putting up with her BS must be enough for her. In the past when she starts fighting with her boyfriend which makes her unable to function in daily life, that is when she has all the job related troubles and her hygiene suffers that most. I have been lucky enough to see some good months here and there but then she slides back into a toxic hole and it takes a long time to repair the damage she leaves behind. I know the day that we are competely severed with any financial ties to her is a day of big celebration.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 740649, member: 22416"] [I]SWOT, I agree with you about my daughter not wanting to be alone and her boyfriend maybe the only guy that will tolerate her. In past years she has been with many great guys that were willing to work with her on her mental problems but I do not know if they could tolerate her for the long haul, I have trouble tolerating her and I love her with my entire heart and soul. My daughter is very draining with her constant drama, paranoia, lying, being very mean and rude. I once overheard my daughter say that she can't believe her boyfriend still tolerates her and she also has said many times that she is too mean to live with anyone. When I have the problem with the boyfriend is when it costs me money or she tells me how awful he is, I always say 'then help him not be awful'. I get a sense of security knowing he is around so she is not alone. He is a tall strong man so I feel she has some protection. I have never seen any evidence that he has hit her in anyway, and God knows it takes a ton of strength not to punch her while she is manic. I have had many long talks with my daughter about her personal hygiene. My daughter is very paranoid about germs. I think when she goes into depression she just does not have the energy to take a shower. I remember many times inviting her to a dress up party or dinner and she smelled bad. This is inexcuseable with so many showers handy. I told her just say no, I can't make it and if she says yes then at least take a bath. Tanya, I do know it takes years to see a positive change. My daughter only has a few more years until her house is paid off. She has blown it a few times and I have jumped down and saved her and the house. I know she knows that I am truly DONE with it. It is in my words, tone and body language. With just a few short years she will have a very nice home to live in that will be paid. I think she realized what a good deal that was after looking for an apartment. We put a huge down payment on her home so her payments are doable, the same it would cost to live in a small studio apartment. It seems she has a good roommate that is clean and pays on time. If her boyfriend would contribute she could really get ahead but with him just putting up with her BS must be enough for her. In the past when she starts fighting with her boyfriend which makes her unable to function in daily life, that is when she has all the job related troubles and her hygiene suffers that most. I have been lucky enough to see some good months here and there but then she slides back into a toxic hole and it takes a long time to repair the damage she leaves behind. I know the day that we are competely severed with any financial ties to her is a day of big celebration.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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