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Enabling... Helicopter?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 738194" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>It sounds like you may think he is lazy. It sounds like you may feel he is making poor choices with his time staying in his room on his computer. </p><p></p><p>I will be blunt here. To work FOR him, to cook for him and to do his laundry, while you may harbor critical feelings, or even resentment, would not be the ideal situation for you or for him. </p><p></p><p>In my house my son prepared his own meals and did his own laundry. I never thought about doing it for him. Ever. That does not make it right or wrong. I just never wanted to do those things, and did not want the responsibility. It was his. And he did not want me too either. </p><p></p><p>But even if you do not cook for him and do his laundry, I think it might be good for both of you that he contributed and worked around the house, while he is there. Also. Is there a date in mind, by which he will move out? That might give him incentive to work more hours. </p><p></p><p>I think it may work against your interests to make him comfortable in the house. I think also that enabling is less to do with specific enabling things, and more to do with an underlying dynamic at work in a relationship and in a family. I don't remember if you are attending Al Anon or in personal therapy. Therapy is helping me. I think Al Anon would too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 738194, member: 18958"] It sounds like you may think he is lazy. It sounds like you may feel he is making poor choices with his time staying in his room on his computer. I will be blunt here. To work FOR him, to cook for him and to do his laundry, while you may harbor critical feelings, or even resentment, would not be the ideal situation for you or for him. In my house my son prepared his own meals and did his own laundry. I never thought about doing it for him. Ever. That does not make it right or wrong. I just never wanted to do those things, and did not want the responsibility. It was his. And he did not want me too either. But even if you do not cook for him and do his laundry, I think it might be good for both of you that he contributed and worked around the house, while he is there. Also. Is there a date in mind, by which he will move out? That might give him incentive to work more hours. I think it may work against your interests to make him comfortable in the house. I think also that enabling is less to do with specific enabling things, and more to do with an underlying dynamic at work in a relationship and in a family. I don't remember if you are attending Al Anon or in personal therapy. Therapy is helping me. I think Al Anon would too. [/QUOTE]
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