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Enabling... Helicopter?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 738285" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Care.</p><p></p><p>This is how I felt. My son's upbringing and our relationship, in particular, were a joy. </p><p></p><p>Although he was adopted, and suffered in his early life, based upon our life together, I did not see any of this coming. I see through the rear view lens that this was denial. People do not escape the consequence of their past. When we hit developmental stages or crises, we are forced back to deal with our weakest links. That is what happened to me. To my son.</p><p></p><p>In my own case there were very real things that came to bear, chickens came home to roost from my life and his, that were extrinsic to our relationship. But due to my vulnerability from my past, I could not deal with this well or even appropriately. I felt like my past was repeating itself. When, if I had been more rooted in the here and now I would not have reacted as defensively and angrily or personally. All of those things I did, in spades.</p><p></p><p>If you are different from me, in that you had no past difficulties, in your past, or your child had no past suffering, in some ways, I think, this makes it HARD in another way. </p><p></p><p>They say for example that children who are in their late teens and early twenties whose parents divorce, have a harder, not easier time, than younger children. Because their expectations, let alone fantasies were of lifelong stability. It is like paradise lost. Same thing for people who believe their marriages are stable and secure, even near perfection, and then, their mates leave them. Shattered confidence. Shattered dreams are very hard.</p><p></p><p>Anyway. We have each other. Which is no small thing. Thank you all very much for being here. With your support I am gradually facing more of my true life. For this I am very grateful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 738285, member: 18958"] Hi Care. This is how I felt. My son's upbringing and our relationship, in particular, were a joy. Although he was adopted, and suffered in his early life, based upon our life together, I did not see any of this coming. I see through the rear view lens that this was denial. People do not escape the consequence of their past. When we hit developmental stages or crises, we are forced back to deal with our weakest links. That is what happened to me. To my son. In my own case there were very real things that came to bear, chickens came home to roost from my life and his, that were extrinsic to our relationship. But due to my vulnerability from my past, I could not deal with this well or even appropriately. I felt like my past was repeating itself. When, if I had been more rooted in the here and now I would not have reacted as defensively and angrily or personally. All of those things I did, in spades. If you are different from me, in that you had no past difficulties, in your past, or your child had no past suffering, in some ways, I think, this makes it HARD in another way. They say for example that children who are in their late teens and early twenties whose parents divorce, have a harder, not easier time, than younger children. Because their expectations, let alone fantasies were of lifelong stability. It is like paradise lost. Same thing for people who believe their marriages are stable and secure, even near perfection, and then, their mates leave them. Shattered confidence. Shattered dreams are very hard. Anyway. We have each other. Which is no small thing. Thank you all very much for being here. With your support I am gradually facing more of my true life. For this I am very grateful. [/QUOTE]
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