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Essay I wrote on BiPolar (BP)
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 123219" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Bipolar affective disorder is a type of brain disorder or biochemical imbalance; it is also believed to be a genetic disease. It's extremely hard to diagnose and treat. This illness is a curse and a blessing all rolled into one (manic depressive individuals tend to be highly creative). It's characterized by severe mood swings that cycle back and forth between extreme highs (mania) and severe lows (depression). Bipolar affects some people as early as childhood. Some with bipolar disorder experience normal moods between cycles. Some might experience mania once in their lifetime, while others experience it once a year, or even once every few months. Some are called rapid cyclers. I'm an ultra, ultra rapid cycler who experiences mixed states, which means I cycle so fast that I actually have depression and mania happening at the same time within a 24-hour period. I had to record my moods in order to track my pattern of mood swings.</p><p>When someone with bipolar disorder is manic, they're in mental overdrive. Ideas are coming fast and furious. It's hard for them to keep up. It's hard for people to keep up with them. You're revved up. You're tripping over your own words. You become a total work horse or workaholic. That mental state can be productive if you're not too manic. The energy is great. but the problem is that the mania keeps building until eventually you spin out of control and just can't function. Then the depression sets in. You go from an extreme high to an extreme low. You come crashing down. Some turn to alcohol to take the edge off the mania or to nurse their depressing woes. You feel invincible one minute and like your sinking into an abyss the next. You actually feel like you're coming out of your skin when you're manic.</p><p>I've lived a life of utter chaos, on a constant emotional roller coaster, a train wreck if you will. I would go through fits of rage. I came close to verbally abusing my kids. I felt like a deer caught in headlights. It feels like a panic attack a hundred times over. I felt like God played a cruel joke on me. I've actually lost it to a point where I've floored my car from 0 to 60 down alleys and streets. I've put my fist through walls and doors, kicked in my car door so hard with my shoes that it looked like my car was wrecked. I hit a filing cabinet so hard that I almost broke my hand, stabbed the dashboard of my car because it wouldnt start. . These are examples of how impaired your judgment gets when you're manic.</p><p>I have been extremely hypersexual. I did anything to kill the pain of depression and to help lessen the mania so I could sleep, because I would be so amped up for no apparent reason.</p><p>You also have to learn what your triggers are for mania. Stress, certain medications, panic attacks can be triggers. I was usually treated for major depression. The doctors would prescribe antidepressants, which I found out can trigger mania. So I would get worse instead of better. If you're Bipolar, you have to balance an antidepressant with a mood stabilizing drug like Lithium, lamictal, depakote. Another time, I was given a cortisone shot for my arthritis. The medication triggered a manic episode. I also have to keep my life as stress-free as possible.</p><p>Those who are manic have the capability to completely destroy their lives and others' - job loss, divorce, ruined family ties and friendships to name a few. The biggest problem is saving the person from themselves. Suicide (includes reckless behavior) plays a major role in bipolar disorder, along with psychosis. Psychosis can cause someone with manic depression to be committed. Psychosis can include visual and auditory hallucinations as well as paranoia. Imagine sitting in a doctor's office and all of a sudden you hear voices or feel something crawling on you. However, my biggest problem was the paranoia. It affected my judgment. It caused me to alienate everyone. </p><p>I've always been a high-strung, successful workaholic. I'm a type "A" personality. I used to be a workhorse for whomever I was working. I felt I was superwoman and for many years I was. I would go through spells where I felt so vibrant and vivacious with people. At times I was on top of the world. But then&#8230;like clockwork, I would come crashing down. I would go through suicidal depressions and literally hide from people. I would retreat to my bedroom or home. I wouldn't go out for anything but groceries and necessities. If I had to work, I was quiet and would race home after work. The black cloud was suffocating me. I hit rock bottom. Part of the reason things got so bad had to do with hormones. I had the worst periods. I realized part of these mood swings were cyclic based on my menstrual cycle, triggered by my hormones, which compounded the bipolar disorder. Hormones + Bipolar Disorder = Livin' La Vida Loca!</p><p>I have always been terrified of people. I was sweet and nice to everyone but wore this mask to hide my illnesses. I had them all fooled.</p><p>Once you get an accurate diagnosis, you're halfway there. Finding the right combination and dosage of prescriptions puts you another quarter of the way there. Next, throw a little psychotherapy in the mix and you're home free.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 123219, member: 1514"] Bipolar affective disorder is a type of brain disorder or biochemical imbalance; it is also believed to be a genetic disease. It's extremely hard to diagnose and treat. This illness is a curse and a blessing all rolled into one (manic depressive individuals tend to be highly creative). It's characterized by severe mood swings that cycle back and forth between extreme highs (mania) and severe lows (depression). Bipolar affects some people as early as childhood. Some with bipolar disorder experience normal moods between cycles. Some might experience mania once in their lifetime, while others experience it once a year, or even once every few months. Some are called rapid cyclers. I'm an ultra, ultra rapid cycler who experiences mixed states, which means I cycle so fast that I actually have depression and mania happening at the same time within a 24-hour period. I had to record my moods in order to track my pattern of mood swings. When someone with bipolar disorder is manic, they're in mental overdrive. Ideas are coming fast and furious. It's hard for them to keep up. It's hard for people to keep up with them. You're revved up. You're tripping over your own words. You become a total work horse or workaholic. That mental state can be productive if you're not too manic. The energy is great. but the problem is that the mania keeps building until eventually you spin out of control and just can't function. Then the depression sets in. You go from an extreme high to an extreme low. You come crashing down. Some turn to alcohol to take the edge off the mania or to nurse their depressing woes. You feel invincible one minute and like your sinking into an abyss the next. You actually feel like you're coming out of your skin when you're manic. I've lived a life of utter chaos, on a constant emotional roller coaster, a train wreck if you will. I would go through fits of rage. I came close to verbally abusing my kids. I felt like a deer caught in headlights. It feels like a panic attack a hundred times over. I felt like God played a cruel joke on me. I've actually lost it to a point where I've floored my car from 0 to 60 down alleys and streets. I've put my fist through walls and doors, kicked in my car door so hard with my shoes that it looked like my car was wrecked. I hit a filing cabinet so hard that I almost broke my hand, stabbed the dashboard of my car because it wouldnt start. . These are examples of how impaired your judgment gets when you're manic. I have been extremely hypersexual. I did anything to kill the pain of depression and to help lessen the mania so I could sleep, because I would be so amped up for no apparent reason. You also have to learn what your triggers are for mania. Stress, certain medications, panic attacks can be triggers. I was usually treated for major depression. The doctors would prescribe antidepressants, which I found out can trigger mania. So I would get worse instead of better. If you're Bipolar, you have to balance an antidepressant with a mood stabilizing drug like Lithium, lamictal, depakote. Another time, I was given a cortisone shot for my arthritis. The medication triggered a manic episode. I also have to keep my life as stress-free as possible. Those who are manic have the capability to completely destroy their lives and others' - job loss, divorce, ruined family ties and friendships to name a few. The biggest problem is saving the person from themselves. Suicide (includes reckless behavior) plays a major role in bipolar disorder, along with psychosis. Psychosis can cause someone with manic depression to be committed. Psychosis can include visual and auditory hallucinations as well as paranoia. Imagine sitting in a doctor's office and all of a sudden you hear voices or feel something crawling on you. However, my biggest problem was the paranoia. It affected my judgment. It caused me to alienate everyone. I've always been a high-strung, successful workaholic. I'm a type "A" personality. I used to be a workhorse for whomever I was working. I felt I was superwoman and for many years I was. I would go through spells where I felt so vibrant and vivacious with people. At times I was on top of the world. But then…like clockwork, I would come crashing down. I would go through suicidal depressions and literally hide from people. I would retreat to my bedroom or home. I wouldn't go out for anything but groceries and necessities. If I had to work, I was quiet and would race home after work. The black cloud was suffocating me. I hit rock bottom. Part of the reason things got so bad had to do with hormones. I had the worst periods. I realized part of these mood swings were cyclic based on my menstrual cycle, triggered by my hormones, which compounded the bipolar disorder. Hormones + Bipolar Disorder = Livin' La Vida Loca! I have always been terrified of people. I was sweet and nice to everyone but wore this mask to hide my illnesses. I had them all fooled. Once you get an accurate diagnosis, you're halfway there. Finding the right combination and dosage of prescriptions puts you another quarter of the way there. Next, throw a little psychotherapy in the mix and you're home free. [/QUOTE]
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