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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 577359" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Well, perhaps 'unfinished' could be changed to a 'work in progress.' Obviously, for whatever reason, she needs space. It's very hard on you, but in the big picture, which you can't see, it may ultimately be a factor in bringing you closer, you have no way of knowing anything right now. She may come to her own conclusions which are similar to yours, but she will come to them on her own. </p><p></p><p>I had to let my granddaughter go live with her other grandmother for a whole year, against my wishes and my better judgment. It was very hard. I thought, as you do, that she went to the enemy camp. But, after a year, she realized on her own, at 14 years old, exactly what I could never share with her about her grandmother, SHE realized all of it and really began appreciating me. Her absence from my life made a huge difference to her, it changed her life, because all of her awareness came from her own process, not mine. It was the most valuable lesson of her life. It's hard for us to give up our control of them, but your daughter is an adult and if she comes to her own conclusions about the divorce, about you, about her mom, it will be so much more meaningful and valuable then if you tried to persuade her to understand it from your point of view. Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 577359, member: 13542"] Well, perhaps 'unfinished' could be changed to a 'work in progress.' Obviously, for whatever reason, she needs space. It's very hard on you, but in the big picture, which you can't see, it may ultimately be a factor in bringing you closer, you have no way of knowing anything right now. She may come to her own conclusions which are similar to yours, but she will come to them on her own. I had to let my granddaughter go live with her other grandmother for a whole year, against my wishes and my better judgment. It was very hard. I thought, as you do, that she went to the enemy camp. But, after a year, she realized on her own, at 14 years old, exactly what I could never share with her about her grandmother, SHE realized all of it and really began appreciating me. Her absence from my life made a huge difference to her, it changed her life, because all of her awareness came from her own process, not mine. It was the most valuable lesson of her life. It's hard for us to give up our control of them, but your daughter is an adult and if she comes to her own conclusions about the divorce, about you, about her mom, it will be so much more meaningful and valuable then if you tried to persuade her to understand it from your point of view. Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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