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Ethical Dilemma
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<blockquote data-quote="aninom" data-source="post: 323998" data-attributes="member: 8513"><p>I am in a similar (but also very different) situation myself, so I honestly can't answer without some emotional difficulty.</p><p> </p><p>On the one hand - and I understand this is very much due to the familycentered culture I grew up in - the idea of NOT taking care of one's sibling in this situation feels abhorrent to me. On the other, this is exactly what I'm bailing out of doing myself, knowing that I can't help difficult child as it is today while she can derail my own life pretty badly.</p><p> </p><p>I don't know what I would do in your shoes. I echo the idea of going into this conversation with your parents with a "let's work together, let bygones be bygones" mentality. Sure, we are siblings, and we have been affected by and gone through the same events our parents have in respect to the difficult child, but from a completely different perspective. What's to say we could, would, or should have acted any differently towards the sib had we been the actual parent? Try and not feel bitter, is what I'm trying to say. I know it's not easy. </p><p> </p><p>The one idea that comes to my mind is to have your brother live close by, under nurse care, and engaged in some sensible activity to fend off isolation (now what that would be, I don't know, obviously pottery classes would be a stretch). You could come visit him - and I know this sounds like a burden, but in a small dose, it may actually feel good to be able to do this little thing for him - every week, other week or so without your wife. Of course this may not be feasible: how difficult is he? Is he violent? Would this be economically viable?</p><p> </p><p>I agree that you shouldn't attempt to house him. If you do not feel positive towards it, and if he truly is simply too enabled and can actually function, it would be good for neither of you; there must be some other way. If he is violent, you SHOULDN'T, period.</p><p> </p><p>Good luck and best of wishes to you. I'm really interested in hearing how things work out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aninom, post: 323998, member: 8513"] I am in a similar (but also very different) situation myself, so I honestly can't answer without some emotional difficulty. On the one hand - and I understand this is very much due to the familycentered culture I grew up in - the idea of NOT taking care of one's sibling in this situation feels abhorrent to me. On the other, this is exactly what I'm bailing out of doing myself, knowing that I can't help difficult child as it is today while she can derail my own life pretty badly. I don't know what I would do in your shoes. I echo the idea of going into this conversation with your parents with a "let's work together, let bygones be bygones" mentality. Sure, we are siblings, and we have been affected by and gone through the same events our parents have in respect to the difficult child, but from a completely different perspective. What's to say we could, would, or should have acted any differently towards the sib had we been the actual parent? Try and not feel bitter, is what I'm trying to say. I know it's not easy. The one idea that comes to my mind is to have your brother live close by, under nurse care, and engaged in some sensible activity to fend off isolation (now what that would be, I don't know, obviously pottery classes would be a stretch). You could come visit him - and I know this sounds like a burden, but in a small dose, it may actually feel good to be able to do this little thing for him - every week, other week or so without your wife. Of course this may not be feasible: how difficult is he? Is he violent? Would this be economically viable? I agree that you shouldn't attempt to house him. If you do not feel positive towards it, and if he truly is simply too enabled and can actually function, it would be good for neither of you; there must be some other way. If he is violent, you SHOULDN'T, period. Good luck and best of wishes to you. I'm really interested in hearing how things work out. [/QUOTE]
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