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Ethical Dilemma
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 324480" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>This is a long and minefield laden road. </p><p>I have a son who is 25. I have nudged him out of the nest and pushed him towards independence. We have tried every humane way to get him to be independent. Unfortunately, not all of our kids make it. Sink or swim usually means sink. Most parents can't or won't let that happen to children with the list of disabilities your sib has. </p><p>Although your parents may have not done a perfect job, it is easy to not realize how impaired some of our kids really are. What looks obvious to someone who is not in their shoes may not be realistic from the parent's point of view. </p><p>Having said that, your parents need to have a reasonable plan. You are entitled to ask questions about it but they have no obligation to share it with you. They also have no right to ask you to supervise your sibling if you aren't offering. </p><p>Our kids who function less than average but are too high functioning for an easy placement are difficult to raise. What they need is the ability to be as independent as possible with a safety net to help them when they stumble and they will stumble. </p><p>Many parents that have a kid like mine don't allow their kids to be adults because our kids seem to need to do it very gradually with incremental freedoms of choice and allowances for back slides. </p><p></p><p>I hope you can see things from your parents eyes even if you don't agree. I'm pretty sure they did the best they could with what they knew. 40 something years ago the information was considerably different than it is now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 324480, member: 3"] This is a long and minefield laden road. I have a son who is 25. I have nudged him out of the nest and pushed him towards independence. We have tried every humane way to get him to be independent. Unfortunately, not all of our kids make it. Sink or swim usually means sink. Most parents can't or won't let that happen to children with the list of disabilities your sib has. Although your parents may have not done a perfect job, it is easy to not realize how impaired some of our kids really are. What looks obvious to someone who is not in their shoes may not be realistic from the parent's point of view. Having said that, your parents need to have a reasonable plan. You are entitled to ask questions about it but they have no obligation to share it with you. They also have no right to ask you to supervise your sibling if you aren't offering. Our kids who function less than average but are too high functioning for an easy placement are difficult to raise. What they need is the ability to be as independent as possible with a safety net to help them when they stumble and they will stumble. Many parents that have a kid like mine don't allow their kids to be adults because our kids seem to need to do it very gradually with incremental freedoms of choice and allowances for back slides. I hope you can see things from your parents eyes even if you don't agree. I'm pretty sure they did the best they could with what they knew. 40 something years ago the information was considerably different than it is now. [/QUOTE]
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