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Ethical Dilemma
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 324681"><p>Was just thinking about this the other day as I have two adult children, one difficult child and one who is very healthy.</p><p></p><p>First of all, no one can make you do something you do not wish to do. </p><p></p><p>You might encourage your parents to apply for SSI Disability for your adult sibling (is this what you are already referring too?) In this case, chances are high they would have to help out (filing out the paperwork, etc) 'cause the process can be long and complicated. in my humble opinion, these funds, plus fund from a special needs trust, should be able to cover almost all, if not all the care to help your sib get by. Ideally, they could use these funds to help him get housing NOW to start the independence process.</p><p></p><p> Don't forget, even on disability, your sib can work part time...assuming he is not severally disabled and I gather from what you are saying, you believe this to be the case. </p><p></p><p>If at some point he makes a decision to participate in illegal activity, that would be his decision. It is not your decision. It is not your business. Let all this go. Besides, no need to worry about something that has not happened, nor something that is not in your control.</p><p></p><p></p><p> You might <u>not</u> want to be in charge of any monies going to your sibling though...whether this is disability monies or trust fund monies....</p><p></p><p>I agree with- Fran, your parents do not have a right to ask you to supervise your adult sibling and this goes double if this is something you do not wish to do. Do not worry about this...you can not be forced into doing something that is not what you wish to do. If out of the goodness of your heart, you want to look up some social service information or numbers of professionals and pass that information on to your parents and/or brother, that might be a nice thing to do. However, you do not even have to do that.</p><p></p><p>It would be nice if your parents were open to discussion.</p><p>Do you know any attorneys in your area who do this work? You could also give them the name of two or three or suggest they ask their friends.</p><p></p><p>In the mean time, live your life. It sounds like you have suffered toooo much.</p><p></p><p>If this troubles you excessively, you might want to seek the advice of an attorney yourself (information is power) and if it causes you to have lots of anguish, etc., do not hesitate to see a therapist for your own personal needs. Having a special needs person in the family is very draining. All of is here know this well.</p><p></p><p>Do not overly concern yourself with what they (your parents) are doing. Voice your opinion if you would like (and especially if you think it might have some influence), but then let it go. Run your race. Personally, if it would mess up my life I would NOT move to another state, certainly not another country! I would however, move to another area ( I would NOT live in the same immediate area). If it CONVENIENT to move to another state, if there is a GOOD opportunity for you in another state, then certainly go for that opportunity.</p><p></p><p>Life is toooo short. Your influence on your parents is likely very limited...might even be 'nil. It is what it is. Hopefully, your parents will do the right thing and you have been a smart cookie, will continue to be a smart cookie and will ensure a good life for yourself. Consider keeping up a friendly relationship with- your parents, but its okay to think differently on something. Protect yourself and your relationship with- your spouse.</p><p></p><p> It all starts with a good attitude and good choices. Learn to let much, if not all of this simply "go." Please don't argue with- your spouse over this and by all means, enjoy life!!!</p><p></p><p>God Bless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 324681"] Was just thinking about this the other day as I have two adult children, one difficult child and one who is very healthy. First of all, no one can make you do something you do not wish to do. You might encourage your parents to apply for SSI Disability for your adult sibling (is this what you are already referring too?) In this case, chances are high they would have to help out (filing out the paperwork, etc) 'cause the process can be long and complicated. in my humble opinion, these funds, plus fund from a special needs trust, should be able to cover almost all, if not all the care to help your sib get by. Ideally, they could use these funds to help him get housing NOW to start the independence process. Don't forget, even on disability, your sib can work part time...assuming he is not severally disabled and I gather from what you are saying, you believe this to be the case. If at some point he makes a decision to participate in illegal activity, that would be his decision. It is not your decision. It is not your business. Let all this go. Besides, no need to worry about something that has not happened, nor something that is not in your control. You might [U]not[/U] want to be in charge of any monies going to your sibling though...whether this is disability monies or trust fund monies.... I agree with- Fran, your parents do not have a right to ask you to supervise your adult sibling and this goes double if this is something you do not wish to do. Do not worry about this...you can not be forced into doing something that is not what you wish to do. If out of the goodness of your heart, you want to look up some social service information or numbers of professionals and pass that information on to your parents and/or brother, that might be a nice thing to do. However, you do not even have to do that. It would be nice if your parents were open to discussion. Do you know any attorneys in your area who do this work? You could also give them the name of two or three or suggest they ask their friends. In the mean time, live your life. It sounds like you have suffered toooo much. If this troubles you excessively, you might want to seek the advice of an attorney yourself (information is power) and if it causes you to have lots of anguish, etc., do not hesitate to see a therapist for your own personal needs. Having a special needs person in the family is very draining. All of is here know this well. Do not overly concern yourself with what they (your parents) are doing. Voice your opinion if you would like (and especially if you think it might have some influence), but then let it go. Run your race. Personally, if it would mess up my life I would NOT move to another state, certainly not another country! I would however, move to another area ( I would NOT live in the same immediate area). If it CONVENIENT to move to another state, if there is a GOOD opportunity for you in another state, then certainly go for that opportunity. Life is toooo short. Your influence on your parents is likely very limited...might even be 'nil. It is what it is. Hopefully, your parents will do the right thing and you have been a smart cookie, will continue to be a smart cookie and will ensure a good life for yourself. Consider keeping up a friendly relationship with- your parents, but its okay to think differently on something. Protect yourself and your relationship with- your spouse. It all starts with a good attitude and good choices. Learn to let much, if not all of this simply "go." Please don't argue with- your spouse over this and by all means, enjoy life!!! God Bless. [/QUOTE]
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