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Parent Emeritus
Evicting an Adult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 747373" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Exhausted, sorry for your need to be here, you have come to a good place where folks understand your frustrations. So many people here have gone through much of what you are experiencing. Me too. Stuff missing. Lots of stuff. I began to think I was losing my marbles. Of course, “no one took it”.</p><p>It hurts and it is entirely mind boggling and extremely stressful. Not good for our health. Fortunately, I didn’t have to go through an eviction process, but I would do it if I had to. It’s no way to live, having to put up security cameras to defend your property from your own adult kid, who you graciously allow to live in your home. What the heck? How do they stoop so low and live with themselves?</p><p>I am sorry for the loss of your husband, and your son going to the level of stealing his father’s tools. There are definitely no boundaries in his mind, that’s <em>impossible</em> to live with.</p><p> Period.</p><p>Before my hubs passed, we had a revolving door with my two, whenever they were around we took to locking our wallets in our cars and sleeping with the keys. As I type that, I can’t believe we put up with that, but we did. It was my son who at 13 asked the obvious,“Why do we allow people to live here who we can’t trust?” It woke me up, got me thinking. Something had to change. They weren’t going to suddenly respect or appreciate living at home. Out they went. I vowed never again to house them.</p><p>It hasn’t been easy, I don’t believe in rock bottom anymore, they have been out there for a few years now. One would think that living life in a park would get tiresome, that they would seek a better way. One thing I do know, in my home, we were all on a downward slide along with them. The chaos and drama overtook the very air.</p><p>It’s been a long road and my two are still out there, drugging and living in a park. Well, one is locked up, supposedly my fault because I won’t allow her to live here. Balderdash.</p><p>I have come to realize that I cannot fix them, they are destructive to the peace and sanctity of my home. They are capable adults who would rather do drugs and be houseless, than live a conventional life. Yet, they wouldn’t bat an eyelash at the chance to live in my home, lounge about all day while I go to work and pay the bills, steal whatever they could and pawn it for drugs, invite street friends over to party while I work.</p><p>No.</p><p>Just no.</p><p>You have value and worth. Your home is your sanctuary. Your son is taking advantage of you every which way. You are not a bad parent putting your foot down and allowing him to spread his wings and helping him understand the consequences of his choices. That’s called life.</p><p>I deal with two adult kids off the rails with the help of God. I pray for them to wake up and realize their potential. Their drug use and the consequences are much more than I can handle. I know that I cannot rescue them, that having them in my home does not help them, it only makes it easier for them to continue using, using drugs and me.</p><p>Please know that you are not alone. Keep posting, it helps, a sort of journal that answers back. We are not experts, just parents like you who have battled this, all on the same journey at different stages along the path. Take what advice works, leave the rest. Keep working on yourself, strengthen yourself, build your toolbox. Honor your feelings. Rest when you need to, cry when you feel down, then pick yourself up again.</p><p>You’ve got this, there’s a whole bunch of us standing beside you knowing how hard it is.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 747373, member: 19522"] Hi Exhausted, sorry for your need to be here, you have come to a good place where folks understand your frustrations. So many people here have gone through much of what you are experiencing. Me too. Stuff missing. Lots of stuff. I began to think I was losing my marbles. Of course, “no one took it”. It hurts and it is entirely mind boggling and extremely stressful. Not good for our health. Fortunately, I didn’t have to go through an eviction process, but I would do it if I had to. It’s no way to live, having to put up security cameras to defend your property from your own adult kid, who you graciously allow to live in your home. What the heck? How do they stoop so low and live with themselves? I am sorry for the loss of your husband, and your son going to the level of stealing his father’s tools. There are definitely no boundaries in his mind, that’s [I]impossible[/I] to live with. Period. Before my hubs passed, we had a revolving door with my two, whenever they were around we took to locking our wallets in our cars and sleeping with the keys. As I type that, I can’t believe we put up with that, but we did. It was my son who at 13 asked the obvious,“Why do we allow people to live here who we can’t trust?” It woke me up, got me thinking. Something had to change. They weren’t going to suddenly respect or appreciate living at home. Out they went. I vowed never again to house them. It hasn’t been easy, I don’t believe in rock bottom anymore, they have been out there for a few years now. One would think that living life in a park would get tiresome, that they would seek a better way. One thing I do know, in my home, we were all on a downward slide along with them. The chaos and drama overtook the very air. It’s been a long road and my two are still out there, drugging and living in a park. Well, one is locked up, supposedly my fault because I won’t allow her to live here. Balderdash. I have come to realize that I cannot fix them, they are destructive to the peace and sanctity of my home. They are capable adults who would rather do drugs and be houseless, than live a conventional life. Yet, they wouldn’t bat an eyelash at the chance to live in my home, lounge about all day while I go to work and pay the bills, steal whatever they could and pawn it for drugs, invite street friends over to party while I work. No. Just no. You have value and worth. Your home is your sanctuary. Your son is taking advantage of you every which way. You are not a bad parent putting your foot down and allowing him to spread his wings and helping him understand the consequences of his choices. That’s called life. I deal with two adult kids off the rails with the help of God. I pray for them to wake up and realize their potential. Their drug use and the consequences are much more than I can handle. I know that I cannot rescue them, that having them in my home does not help them, it only makes it easier for them to continue using, using drugs and me. Please know that you are not alone. Keep posting, it helps, a sort of journal that answers back. We are not experts, just parents like you who have battled this, all on the same journey at different stages along the path. Take what advice works, leave the rest. Keep working on yourself, strengthen yourself, build your toolbox. Honor your feelings. Rest when you need to, cry when you feel down, then pick yourself up again. You’ve got this, there’s a whole bunch of us standing beside you knowing how hard it is. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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