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Evicting an Adult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747447" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>How old is he? How long has this been going on? How has he supported him? What makes you feel he is unable to handle being out of your home?</p><p>Seven or eight years ago, I was in this situation. My son was depressed and refused to work or seek treatment. He laid around all day. He was hostile. He had had a brain injury, and after that stopped working in the job he had had as a nurse's aid.</p><p></p><p>People told me the only way to deal with this was to throw him out so he would help himself. That did not happen. What did happen was he stayed two years rent free with a friend of the family, got himself on SSI and got a marijuana habit, and began a pattern of homelessness, dependency, and irresponsibility. Throwing him out did not achieve what I had hoped.</p><p></p><p>Nonetheless, I'm unsure what would have been the right thing to do.</p><p></p><p>Would it have been the correct thing to let him continue as he was? I don't think so. If he refused my counsel and my support, to seek out treatment resources, what was my option? Did I not matter here? What about my comfort, my security, my peace of mind in my home? I tell you all of this to let you know that there is NO RIGHT THING TO DO, in the situation we find ourselves. It is one day at a time.</p><p></p><p>Your son has the obligation to learn to live his life. He will not learn hiding in your basement. There are questions of capacity and competency. I am assuming here your son has the intellect and the emotional where with all to seek support and to learn how to live.</p><p></p><p>There are all kinds of resources available for adults who have a hard time managing on their own.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you find yourself in this hard, hard place. You will find counsel and support here, and a way to go forward.</p><p></p><p>By the way, my son is back living in a home that I own, apart from me. Before he came back, he was sleeping in a truck a couple of hours from where I live. It may be that he finally understands that HE needs to put one step in front of the other to address his issues. I have to pay hardball with him. He has no key, and he MUST LEAVE if he does not address his life, and act in a way that is socialized. It is day by day, hit and miss. But I am clear, and I believe he is clear, that he cannot put all responsibility on me, and/or lay around all his life in a drug-fueled haze--near me. If he wants to do that, he needs to find somewhere else to do it. So, as I think about it, potentially, I am back in the situation in which you find yourself.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to you. I hope you find here, answers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747447, member: 18958"] How old is he? How long has this been going on? How has he supported him? What makes you feel he is unable to handle being out of your home? Seven or eight years ago, I was in this situation. My son was depressed and refused to work or seek treatment. He laid around all day. He was hostile. He had had a brain injury, and after that stopped working in the job he had had as a nurse's aid. People told me the only way to deal with this was to throw him out so he would help himself. That did not happen. What did happen was he stayed two years rent free with a friend of the family, got himself on SSI and got a marijuana habit, and began a pattern of homelessness, dependency, and irresponsibility. Throwing him out did not achieve what I had hoped. Nonetheless, I'm unsure what would have been the right thing to do. Would it have been the correct thing to let him continue as he was? I don't think so. If he refused my counsel and my support, to seek out treatment resources, what was my option? Did I not matter here? What about my comfort, my security, my peace of mind in my home? I tell you all of this to let you know that there is NO RIGHT THING TO DO, in the situation we find ourselves. It is one day at a time. Your son has the obligation to learn to live his life. He will not learn hiding in your basement. There are questions of capacity and competency. I am assuming here your son has the intellect and the emotional where with all to seek support and to learn how to live. There are all kinds of resources available for adults who have a hard time managing on their own. I am sorry you find yourself in this hard, hard place. You will find counsel and support here, and a way to go forward. By the way, my son is back living in a home that I own, apart from me. Before he came back, he was sleeping in a truck a couple of hours from where I live. It may be that he finally understands that HE needs to put one step in front of the other to address his issues. I have to pay hardball with him. He has no key, and he MUST LEAVE if he does not address his life, and act in a way that is socialized. It is day by day, hit and miss. But I am clear, and I believe he is clear, that he cannot put all responsibility on me, and/or lay around all his life in a drug-fueled haze--near me. If he wants to do that, he needs to find somewhere else to do it. So, as I think about it, potentially, I am back in the situation in which you find yourself. Welcome to you. I hope you find here, answers. [/QUOTE]
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