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Evicting an Adult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 747489" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>This is a very normal feeling but not warranted. Our children are supposed to grow up and leave our homes to live their own lives. </p><p></p><p></p><p>You are not throwing him away. You are liberating him to live his own life. I completely understand the fears you have, I've been right where you are. What I can tell you is not allow those fears to consume you. Do not give them power or they will rob you of peace and sleep.</p><p></p><p></p><p>My son is now 37 but still operates with a teenage mentality. He's off the charts smart but has zero common sense. My son lives a homeless wandering life style. I don't like it but it's his choice of how he wants to live. He has always managed to find food and shelter. One thing I have learned from his life style is how well the homeless network together. </p><p></p><p></p><p>I would be very careful here. If it were me, I would not tell him that I would help him. You will be sending a message that he doesn't have to do anything because you will "help" him. Also, keep in mind that helping isn't helping when it's enabling.</p><p>I would caution against giving him money. If he's hungry, meet him somewhere and buy him lunch. </p><p>Something else you can do for him before he leaves is give him a list of shelters and places he can get food. You might also buy him a good backpack.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I would guess that he's hoping by giving you the cold shoulder that you will feel bad and change your mind. </p><p>Whenever we, the parents change how we respond, in other words, we stop giving them what they want, they will ramp things up. They will cry, beg, plead, they will also lash out in anger.</p><p></p><p>It's hard to watch our children struggle but it's through the struggle that they grow. We do them no good by taking care of everything for them. They need to learn how to navigate through life on their own. </p><p></p><p>I know it's hard and you feel guilty but what you are doing is really the best thing you can do not only for your son but for yourself. The sooner your son can start figuring out his life the better. You will not be around forever. </p><p></p><p>It's not good to continue enabling an adult child. When the parent is 85 and the child is 65 and the parent dies, the 65 year old is left trying to figure out what to do. It's much better to allow our adult children to figure it out when they are young.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 747489, member: 18516"] This is a very normal feeling but not warranted. Our children are supposed to grow up and leave our homes to live their own lives. You are not throwing him away. You are liberating him to live his own life. I completely understand the fears you have, I've been right where you are. What I can tell you is not allow those fears to consume you. Do not give them power or they will rob you of peace and sleep. My son is now 37 but still operates with a teenage mentality. He's off the charts smart but has zero common sense. My son lives a homeless wandering life style. I don't like it but it's his choice of how he wants to live. He has always managed to find food and shelter. One thing I have learned from his life style is how well the homeless network together. I would be very careful here. If it were me, I would not tell him that I would help him. You will be sending a message that he doesn't have to do anything because you will "help" him. Also, keep in mind that helping isn't helping when it's enabling. I would caution against giving him money. If he's hungry, meet him somewhere and buy him lunch. Something else you can do for him before he leaves is give him a list of shelters and places he can get food. You might also buy him a good backpack. I would guess that he's hoping by giving you the cold shoulder that you will feel bad and change your mind. Whenever we, the parents change how we respond, in other words, we stop giving them what they want, they will ramp things up. They will cry, beg, plead, they will also lash out in anger. It's hard to watch our children struggle but it's through the struggle that they grow. We do them no good by taking care of everything for them. They need to learn how to navigate through life on their own. I know it's hard and you feel guilty but what you are doing is really the best thing you can do not only for your son but for yourself. The sooner your son can start figuring out his life the better. You will not be around forever. It's not good to continue enabling an adult child. When the parent is 85 and the child is 65 and the parent dies, the 65 year old is left trying to figure out what to do. It's much better to allow our adult children to figure it out when they are young. [/QUOTE]
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