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Exhausting weeks with 50% step-son who doesn't listen...Please help...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 723238" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think he addressed the challenges with having him evaluated. The father won't agree with having him evaluated and the father has equal custody. So the father's agreement is required. This means that the child cannot legally ever be evaluated. Any professional who evaluated the child without the father's consent could lose his or her license, I believe. I have a friend who ended up in that horrible horrible limbo. </p><p></p><p>Does your wife ever spend time with just her son? I am talking about time focused solely on him and what he wants to do, not running errands or watching tv while she does something else? Or do you and your wife do this? It may be that this won't help, but it also might really help. He could be quite jealous of his sister because she gets time with each of you alone but never any time with either of you without her. </p><p></p><p>As for some of the other things, some of them are 9 year old boy things. He may have some quiet friends among whom he is the rowdy one. Normal is a spectrum, of course. Overall, at age 9, boys are still very engrossed in poop, pee and gross things. I can still remember eating dinner while my husband read Zombie Butts From Uranus while the kids (and I) laughed hilariously. I also remember doing Mad Libs over dinner with the kids when my son was 9. Almost every word the boy came up with was gross or disgusting or referenced some body part or function. Boys are like this. Moms and sisters civilize some of it out of them, but only some. </p><p></p><p>I think the not listening when you tell him to do something means that you don't have his attention. He simply has no idea that you are speaking to him. His attention is so focused on what he is doing that he completely unaware of everything else around him. You have to figure out what gets his attention right away every time and then use that. I had this problem with my children, especially my oldest. I could tel him to do something ten times, from two inches in front of his face and he would not have a clue that I wanted him to do something. Then he would have an absolute rage when I turned off his game or movie even after warning him several times. I used timers, I did everything the therapists suggested. NOTHING worked. Until chocolate chip cookie dough and chocolate pudding occurred to me.</p><p></p><p>We didn't do dessert every day. My kids could hear me talking about chocolate from down the block even if I was only whispering. They would drop everything and instantly appear beside me no matter what they were doing. Not even the most fascinating video game kept them away if they thought I mentioned something about making chocolate chip cookie dough or eating chocolate pudding. I took psychology classes and marketing classes. I understand behavioral modeling. I figured I could work with that. I went to the store and got the stuff to make a triple batch of cookie dough and multiple batches of pudding. I even got several bags of chocolate and hid them for emergencies when I needed to reinforce behavior and ran out of cookie dough or an ingredient.</p><p></p><p>Then when I was ready to start, I said "chocolate chip cookie" when they were in the middle of something. It got their attention and I gave each child a cookie. Over the next week I gave them a cookie or a chocolate when I needed to get them to stop an activity or do something. I always said the item I was giving them rather than saying names or what I needed them to do. The next week I still said the name of a treat that was chocolate, but I only gave them something chocolate about half the time. Not every other time, just about half the time. After that, I gave them the dessert item on an irregular schedule. If they were not responding to the name of the item, I gave them the actual reward more frequently (still not each time) until they responded more. </p><p></p><p>When my mother came to visit and wanted to get the kids ready to go somewhere, they were not cooperative. Then I said "chocolate pudding" and all</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 723238, member: 1233"] I think he addressed the challenges with having him evaluated. The father won't agree with having him evaluated and the father has equal custody. So the father's agreement is required. This means that the child cannot legally ever be evaluated. Any professional who evaluated the child without the father's consent could lose his or her license, I believe. I have a friend who ended up in that horrible horrible limbo. Does your wife ever spend time with just her son? I am talking about time focused solely on him and what he wants to do, not running errands or watching tv while she does something else? Or do you and your wife do this? It may be that this won't help, but it also might really help. He could be quite jealous of his sister because she gets time with each of you alone but never any time with either of you without her. As for some of the other things, some of them are 9 year old boy things. He may have some quiet friends among whom he is the rowdy one. Normal is a spectrum, of course. Overall, at age 9, boys are still very engrossed in poop, pee and gross things. I can still remember eating dinner while my husband read Zombie Butts From Uranus while the kids (and I) laughed hilariously. I also remember doing Mad Libs over dinner with the kids when my son was 9. Almost every word the boy came up with was gross or disgusting or referenced some body part or function. Boys are like this. Moms and sisters civilize some of it out of them, but only some. I think the not listening when you tell him to do something means that you don't have his attention. He simply has no idea that you are speaking to him. His attention is so focused on what he is doing that he completely unaware of everything else around him. You have to figure out what gets his attention right away every time and then use that. I had this problem with my children, especially my oldest. I could tel him to do something ten times, from two inches in front of his face and he would not have a clue that I wanted him to do something. Then he would have an absolute rage when I turned off his game or movie even after warning him several times. I used timers, I did everything the therapists suggested. NOTHING worked. Until chocolate chip cookie dough and chocolate pudding occurred to me. We didn't do dessert every day. My kids could hear me talking about chocolate from down the block even if I was only whispering. They would drop everything and instantly appear beside me no matter what they were doing. Not even the most fascinating video game kept them away if they thought I mentioned something about making chocolate chip cookie dough or eating chocolate pudding. I took psychology classes and marketing classes. I understand behavioral modeling. I figured I could work with that. I went to the store and got the stuff to make a triple batch of cookie dough and multiple batches of pudding. I even got several bags of chocolate and hid them for emergencies when I needed to reinforce behavior and ran out of cookie dough or an ingredient. Then when I was ready to start, I said "chocolate chip cookie" when they were in the middle of something. It got their attention and I gave each child a cookie. Over the next week I gave them a cookie or a chocolate when I needed to get them to stop an activity or do something. I always said the item I was giving them rather than saying names or what I needed them to do. The next week I still said the name of a treat that was chocolate, but I only gave them something chocolate about half the time. Not every other time, just about half the time. After that, I gave them the dessert item on an irregular schedule. If they were not responding to the name of the item, I gave them the actual reward more frequently (still not each time) until they responded more. When my mother came to visit and wanted to get the kids ready to go somewhere, they were not cooperative. Then I said "chocolate pudding" and all [/QUOTE]
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Exhausting weeks with 50% step-son who doesn't listen...Please help...
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