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Substance Abuse
Expanding on Anger/Detachment/LaLaLa...I struggle with DETACHMENT vs OWNERSHIP VENT
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 561927" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sig, I know how you feel. But...here comes my realism <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> You aren't going to therapy to fix yourself. You are going there to learn to deal with a very difficult adult child, and to learn how to be positive and happy even if he makes bad choices. THAT IS NO EASY TASK! You shouldn't have to know how to do it without help! If he won't fix himself then, dangit, you deserve to learn how to live a good life in spite of his decisions about his own.</p><p></p><p>On the "parent not friend" front, we do become more like their friends when they are adults. I have two adult kids (one who acts more like a child). We are more friends now than parent/kid because of their ages and because they are too old for us to tell them what to do. I have learned not to give advice unless asked for it (this is very hard for me, especially with immature son). But he isn't going to listen to me anyway. The few times I've given in and spoken my mind and given my advice, which I feel is sound, he gets very upset. It's not worth it. Now I just figure he will have to figure it out himself. Or not figure it out himself. He doesn't want me to tell him what to do. He just needs me to listen. I can do that. </p><p></p><p>((((Hugs)))). I do know how hard it is just to take a back seat and nod and smile.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 561927, member: 1550"] Sig, I know how you feel. But...here comes my realism :) You aren't going to therapy to fix yourself. You are going there to learn to deal with a very difficult adult child, and to learn how to be positive and happy even if he makes bad choices. THAT IS NO EASY TASK! You shouldn't have to know how to do it without help! If he won't fix himself then, dangit, you deserve to learn how to live a good life in spite of his decisions about his own. On the "parent not friend" front, we do become more like their friends when they are adults. I have two adult kids (one who acts more like a child). We are more friends now than parent/kid because of their ages and because they are too old for us to tell them what to do. I have learned not to give advice unless asked for it (this is very hard for me, especially with immature son). But he isn't going to listen to me anyway. The few times I've given in and spoken my mind and given my advice, which I feel is sound, he gets very upset. It's not worth it. Now I just figure he will have to figure it out himself. Or not figure it out himself. He doesn't want me to tell him what to do. He just needs me to listen. I can do that. ((((Hugs)))). I do know how hard it is just to take a back seat and nod and smile. [/QUOTE]
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