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Substance Abuse
Expanding on Anger/Detachment/LaLaLa...I struggle with DETACHMENT vs OWNERSHIP VENT
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 561978" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>My difficult child is the same, not concerned about anyone but himself - and maybe the difficult child girlfriend - scary but they are so much alike, not good for each other at all.</p><p></p><p> He was doing Ok for years (I think but at least he wasn't asking for money) and then the economy went sour and he was laid off 4 times. I was trying to help in emergencies when he really was stranded and without food. Then after the homeless conn he and girlfriend pulled last year for money I really realized just how little he did think of me if at all - just as a person to get money from with the 'borrow' phrase. They were partying and having a great time while I truly thought they were going hungry.</p><p></p><p>Mine is threatening suicide now if I don't give him money and he is back with the girlfriend that tried to kill him with a knife. The last text message to me was so very nasty and I chose not to respond. I did let him know I do not agree with him getting back with girlfriend after I had to call the police for harrassment and she was harrassing others as well.</p><p></p><p>My only way of contact with difficult child is facebook and I really don't know exactly where he is. girlfriend is very controllling and has fought with his friends and family and he has taken her side. He knows that if he ever visits she is not invited. The police have warned her zero contact in any way. Now he says she was only responding to my harrassment lol!!! </p><p></p><p>difficult child is going to college for 4 years and is on the deans list. The fact that he has no job to support himself at 34yo goes totally over his head. I will no longer give money for any thing including fictious or real emergencies so I probably will never hear from him again.</p><p></p><p>As the 'wicked and selfish witch' I am starting AlAnon again for myself. In the past I was not able to find one that I really cared for so I am hoping this one will be different. Overall I am much better at detacting (but my difficult child is older than most of yours and I have been at it longer) but my BiPolar (BP) did go very high after the lastest request for money and they nasty spew and suicide threat last week. </p><p></p><p>These are his choices and I am making mine. I am truly fortunate that there are no grands involved - that part I try not to think about since she is 38 and he is close to 35 maybe it will not happen, the children would be taken away from them with their life style - I have 2 from my easy child and I love them dearly.</p><p></p><p>I do not give up hope - but it is his life and the drama is too stressfull. I wish him well and send love and positive thoughts his way. The rest is up to him. I am as close to acceptance as I have ever been, it feels so much better, but is a hard process.</p><p></p><p>I also had a fit by myself years ago when I was told to take a parenting class - HE IS THE ONE OUT OF CONTROL NOT ME lol! I did take the class and the instructor sat there and cried with me. He finally said on the last class, 'you can't save them all and you are trying so hard'. Didn't help my situation!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 561978, member: 13558"] My difficult child is the same, not concerned about anyone but himself - and maybe the difficult child girlfriend - scary but they are so much alike, not good for each other at all. He was doing Ok for years (I think but at least he wasn't asking for money) and then the economy went sour and he was laid off 4 times. I was trying to help in emergencies when he really was stranded and without food. Then after the homeless conn he and girlfriend pulled last year for money I really realized just how little he did think of me if at all - just as a person to get money from with the 'borrow' phrase. They were partying and having a great time while I truly thought they were going hungry. Mine is threatening suicide now if I don't give him money and he is back with the girlfriend that tried to kill him with a knife. The last text message to me was so very nasty and I chose not to respond. I did let him know I do not agree with him getting back with girlfriend after I had to call the police for harrassment and she was harrassing others as well. My only way of contact with difficult child is facebook and I really don't know exactly where he is. girlfriend is very controllling and has fought with his friends and family and he has taken her side. He knows that if he ever visits she is not invited. The police have warned her zero contact in any way. Now he says she was only responding to my harrassment lol!!! difficult child is going to college for 4 years and is on the deans list. The fact that he has no job to support himself at 34yo goes totally over his head. I will no longer give money for any thing including fictious or real emergencies so I probably will never hear from him again. As the 'wicked and selfish witch' I am starting AlAnon again for myself. In the past I was not able to find one that I really cared for so I am hoping this one will be different. Overall I am much better at detacting (but my difficult child is older than most of yours and I have been at it longer) but my BiPolar (BP) did go very high after the lastest request for money and they nasty spew and suicide threat last week. These are his choices and I am making mine. I am truly fortunate that there are no grands involved - that part I try not to think about since she is 38 and he is close to 35 maybe it will not happen, the children would be taken away from them with their life style - I have 2 from my easy child and I love them dearly. I do not give up hope - but it is his life and the drama is too stressfull. I wish him well and send love and positive thoughts his way. The rest is up to him. I am as close to acceptance as I have ever been, it feels so much better, but is a hard process. I also had a fit by myself years ago when I was told to take a parenting class - HE IS THE ONE OUT OF CONTROL NOT ME lol! I did take the class and the instructor sat there and cried with me. He finally said on the last class, 'you can't save them all and you are trying so hard'. Didn't help my situation!!! [/QUOTE]
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