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Expectations bleh
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<blockquote data-quote="Acacia" data-source="post: 754189" data-attributes="member: 19832"><p>Boy, oh boy, does this sound familiar. My DS is 34 with the same story, and me hanging onto to that "slight chance." </p><p></p><p>It's good you posted because you deserve to use your resources for yourself, and you shouldn't be asked at your son's age to to be his keeper, his secretary, or anything else.</p><p>I have fallen down the rabbit hole many times, thinking "how will he manage without my help"? The truth is my son hasn't really changed since middle school and it sounds as though, like mine, he has just continued to compound his problems. </p><p></p><p>You did not create his problems, and you can't control him. He has you in the FOG of fear, obligation, and guilt. It sounds as though he's great at ordering you around. I've been the recipient of that also - afraid that if I said no, he would think I don't love him. I am sure you want only to help him, but he is oblivious to or doesn't care about the effect of his choices on you. Stay strong. It's hard, and the what if's can drive a mother crazy, but you deserve a peaceful life in retirement.</p><p></p><p>My son just cut me out of his life again because I set some boundaries. His rage made me feel physically sick. In the little time since, I've thought about all that I've done to prop him up with no real substantantive change in him or other than momentary gratitude either. </p><p></p><p>Love yourself enough to stay strong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Acacia, post: 754189, member: 19832"] Boy, oh boy, does this sound familiar. My DS is 34 with the same story, and me hanging onto to that "slight chance." It's good you posted because you deserve to use your resources for yourself, and you shouldn't be asked at your son's age to to be his keeper, his secretary, or anything else. I have fallen down the rabbit hole many times, thinking "how will he manage without my help"? The truth is my son hasn't really changed since middle school and it sounds as though, like mine, he has just continued to compound his problems. You did not create his problems, and you can't control him. He has you in the FOG of fear, obligation, and guilt. It sounds as though he's great at ordering you around. I've been the recipient of that also - afraid that if I said no, he would think I don't love him. I am sure you want only to help him, but he is oblivious to or doesn't care about the effect of his choices on you. Stay strong. It's hard, and the what if's can drive a mother crazy, but you deserve a peaceful life in retirement. My son just cut me out of his life again because I set some boundaries. His rage made me feel physically sick. In the little time since, I've thought about all that I've done to prop him up with no real substantantive change in him or other than momentary gratitude either. Love yourself enough to stay strong. [/QUOTE]
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