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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 754263" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I have been exactly where you are! My son is also 37. He was in jail a couple of years ago (not his first go around). I had successfully detached from him quite a few years before his last stay in jail but that did not stop him from writing me a letter asking that I put $200 on his account because he needed the money in order to buy extra food and also toiletries, oh and he also wanted to buy a better pair of shoes. Seriously, shoes?? Where was he planning on walking to? I sent a reply letter to him. I told him I was not going to be putting any money on his account. I reminded him that jail was not supposed to be enjoyable. I also told him I knew that he was getting three square meals a day and also was supplied with all his basic needs. </p><p>He was in for 2 years. When he was released he told me "all the right things" how he was going to attend AA, get a job and get his life back on track. He actually did pretty good but he was on parole and knew if he screwed up, it was back to jail. Once he was off parole he couldn't get moving fast enough. He started working his way towards the NW so he could go work on a pot farm. He was close to his destination, he and the friend he was traveling (hitchhiking) with when he sent me a message. He was begging for money for a hotel room for a few days. I replied "I cannot help you. You are smart and can figure something out, I wish you well, I love you" Instead of replying to me, he posted some rather nasty comments on FB. So be it.</p><p>In the earlier years my husband and I have gone above and beyond to try and help our son get his life on a better track. We did buy him a house. It was a foreclosure but a nice modest house. It was well lived in and we started to rehab it. This was another time my son was released from jail. We bought the house so he could live in it (there was no way he was living with us in our house). All he had to do was get a job and start putting his life together. Needless to say it did not work out. We kept the house and rented it out for many years and finally decided to sell it last year. </p><p>The point is, it doesn't matter how much we do for them, it will never be enough and until we firmly start telling them NO, they will continue to try and guilt us into enabling them.</p><p>I love my son and I wish him well. He has made a choice to live a homeless wondering life. I don't like it but it is what it is.</p><p>Sending you ((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 754263, member: 18516"] I have been exactly where you are! My son is also 37. He was in jail a couple of years ago (not his first go around). I had successfully detached from him quite a few years before his last stay in jail but that did not stop him from writing me a letter asking that I put $200 on his account because he needed the money in order to buy extra food and also toiletries, oh and he also wanted to buy a better pair of shoes. Seriously, shoes?? Where was he planning on walking to? I sent a reply letter to him. I told him I was not going to be putting any money on his account. I reminded him that jail was not supposed to be enjoyable. I also told him I knew that he was getting three square meals a day and also was supplied with all his basic needs. He was in for 2 years. When he was released he told me "all the right things" how he was going to attend AA, get a job and get his life back on track. He actually did pretty good but he was on parole and knew if he screwed up, it was back to jail. Once he was off parole he couldn't get moving fast enough. He started working his way towards the NW so he could go work on a pot farm. He was close to his destination, he and the friend he was traveling (hitchhiking) with when he sent me a message. He was begging for money for a hotel room for a few days. I replied "I cannot help you. You are smart and can figure something out, I wish you well, I love you" Instead of replying to me, he posted some rather nasty comments on FB. So be it. In the earlier years my husband and I have gone above and beyond to try and help our son get his life on a better track. We did buy him a house. It was a foreclosure but a nice modest house. It was well lived in and we started to rehab it. This was another time my son was released from jail. We bought the house so he could live in it (there was no way he was living with us in our house). All he had to do was get a job and start putting his life together. Needless to say it did not work out. We kept the house and rented it out for many years and finally decided to sell it last year. The point is, it doesn't matter how much we do for them, it will never be enough and until we firmly start telling them NO, they will continue to try and guilt us into enabling them. I love my son and I wish him well. He has made a choice to live a homeless wondering life. I don't like it but it is what it is. Sending you ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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