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Expectations bleh
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 754270" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Well. I did this too. He's in it now. He barely ever leaves. On his phone with his edible marijuana. (He uses the edible, apparently, so I won't catch on. Ha. )He does nothing to maintain it. Not weeding, not taking out the garbage. Nothing. I am trying to rent the front house. I have to tell him, <em>please don't come out to smoke unless you're clean and shaven.</em></p><p>I go back in forth in my heart/mind. <em>How can I accept he die on the street from his Hep B? </em>And the other side of me asks, <em>how do I his mother sustain his living as he does?</em> He did pay rent this month.</p><p></p><p>So. I get what Jay Pee says, brilliantly. Both sides of my internal conversation are on me. <u>What I should do to fix his problems.</u> That's the fallacy. On the one side, <em>that I house him</em>; on the other, <em>that I bear responsibility to alter the way that he chooses to live.</em> As long as I keep this hot potato conversation going inside myself I will be tormented. It really doesn't have to do with any action that I take. The question is not only what will torment me less. The answer is: why torment myself at all? The key for me is getting conversations about his life outside of my own head/heart. The answer is not in words or even deeds. The answer is about space. What is that saying about renting space in my head?</p><p></p><p>It's like the Sabbath. Which is about time and space. Beginning Friday night to Saturday we give that space in time to G-d. Like clockwork. This does not require a decision. There's no right or wrong.</p><p></p><p>There is this freedom that comes when I think about my son this way. If I just don't let him rent space in my head. I can breathe deeply. I can rest into myself. I can be in myself.</p><p></p><p>If I think of it this way this is doable. It's like a practice. The second I begin to agonize about what I should do or what can I do or how can I do it, I'm off the reservation. And I can bring myself back.</p><p></p><p>Thank you very much, ladies, for this thread.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 754270, member: 18958"] Well. I did this too. He's in it now. He barely ever leaves. On his phone with his edible marijuana. (He uses the edible, apparently, so I won't catch on. Ha. )He does nothing to maintain it. Not weeding, not taking out the garbage. Nothing. I am trying to rent the front house. I have to tell him, [I]please don't come out to smoke unless you're clean and shaven.[/I] I go back in forth in my heart/mind. [I]How can I accept he die on the street from his Hep B? [/I]And the other side of me asks, [I]how do I his mother sustain his living as he does?[/I] He did pay rent this month. So. I get what Jay Pee says, brilliantly. Both sides of my internal conversation are on me. [U]What I should do to fix his problems.[/U] That's the fallacy. On the one side, [I]that I house him[/I]; on the other, [I]that I bear responsibility to alter the way that he chooses to live.[/I] As long as I keep this hot potato conversation going inside myself I will be tormented. It really doesn't have to do with any action that I take. The question is not only what will torment me less. The answer is: why torment myself at all? The key for me is getting conversations about his life outside of my own head/heart. The answer is not in words or even deeds. The answer is about space. What is that saying about renting space in my head? It's like the Sabbath. Which is about time and space. Beginning Friday night to Saturday we give that space in time to G-d. Like clockwork. This does not require a decision. There's no right or wrong. There is this freedom that comes when I think about my son this way. If I just don't let him rent space in my head. I can breathe deeply. I can rest into myself. I can be in myself. If I think of it this way this is doable. It's like a practice. The second I begin to agonize about what I should do or what can I do or how can I do it, I'm off the reservation. And I can bring myself back. Thank you very much, ladies, for this thread. [/QUOTE]
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