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Experienced moms: What would you do? (Long)
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 44359" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Awww MWM.... Queen Bee's and Wanna Bee's. Little girls are something else. I think you handled this perfectly. </p><p></p><p>Recently had a very similar situation with Diva. I know she lied, just am not positive about what - but strongly suspect she protected 2 "friends", took the blame for a particularly nasty *nasty* note written in class that I think girl #1 wrote. These 2 girls are okay individually, but together they are toxic and old Diva gets sucked right in.</p><p></p><p>I've told Diva she can associate with- these girls at school but they are no longer allowed to call here or come over. Told these girls the same thing when they called. Interestingly, they now call giving other names (gotta love caller ID). husband and I really wrestled with- discussing the problem with- #1's parents, but finally decided that we'd run into the same thing you have... "Not my little angel". </p><p></p><p>I cannot abide by meaness for meaness' sake. And lying is the #1 item in basket A around here with- the pcs. Clinically, it's a really fascinating phenomenon, watching these 9 y/o's manipulate and wield their social power, but as a mother it sets my hair on fire. </p><p></p><p>Been working with- Diva (who is the ultimate drama queen) on what a "friend" is, on what defines a "good" person. Also a lot of discussion about how friends will change over the years - who she played with- in K is not who she plays with- now, and it will continue to change as years go by. </p><p></p><p>We're also in a relatively small town, though not as small as yours. I'm sure the social circle will vary over the years but I do suspect these other 2 girls are going to just get more toxic. It's funny because while Diva can verbalize very well that people are friends with- girl #1 because she has pretty clothes and they don't want to get on her "wrong" side, she also freely admits #1 is mean. We haven't yet made the connection that it's really not important to be liked by the mean girls because... well, they're *mean*!</p><p></p><p>Please don't feel guilty. While I think it's important to try to stay hands off with- most of Diva's dramas, I do think there are rare times when I have to intervene. To protect her but also more importantly to try to teach her, reinforce the Golden Rule, and also empower her a bit. Just remembering my own childhood, it was hard to stand up for myself, to not be at the mercy of the Queen Bee's. I think it's very positive to teach our girls that friends are not mean, to our kids or to others, and that picking on other children for whatever reason is unacceptable. Our girls are better than that. I don't want Diva to be a Queen Bee, nor do I want her to be a follower or protector of the Queen. She needs to not only know the difference between right and wrong, but also have the strength to back up her convictions.</p><p></p><p>It's a hard lesson to learn and a really gray area most of the time. Again, in this case, I think you were absolutely right on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 44359, member: 8"] Awww MWM.... Queen Bee's and Wanna Bee's. Little girls are something else. I think you handled this perfectly. Recently had a very similar situation with Diva. I know she lied, just am not positive about what - but strongly suspect she protected 2 "friends", took the blame for a particularly nasty *nasty* note written in class that I think girl #1 wrote. These 2 girls are okay individually, but together they are toxic and old Diva gets sucked right in. I've told Diva she can associate with- these girls at school but they are no longer allowed to call here or come over. Told these girls the same thing when they called. Interestingly, they now call giving other names (gotta love caller ID). husband and I really wrestled with- discussing the problem with- #1's parents, but finally decided that we'd run into the same thing you have... "Not my little angel". I cannot abide by meaness for meaness' sake. And lying is the #1 item in basket A around here with- the pcs. Clinically, it's a really fascinating phenomenon, watching these 9 y/o's manipulate and wield their social power, but as a mother it sets my hair on fire. Been working with- Diva (who is the ultimate drama queen) on what a "friend" is, on what defines a "good" person. Also a lot of discussion about how friends will change over the years - who she played with- in K is not who she plays with- now, and it will continue to change as years go by. We're also in a relatively small town, though not as small as yours. I'm sure the social circle will vary over the years but I do suspect these other 2 girls are going to just get more toxic. It's funny because while Diva can verbalize very well that people are friends with- girl #1 because she has pretty clothes and they don't want to get on her "wrong" side, she also freely admits #1 is mean. We haven't yet made the connection that it's really not important to be liked by the mean girls because... well, they're *mean*! Please don't feel guilty. While I think it's important to try to stay hands off with- most of Diva's dramas, I do think there are rare times when I have to intervene. To protect her but also more importantly to try to teach her, reinforce the Golden Rule, and also empower her a bit. Just remembering my own childhood, it was hard to stand up for myself, to not be at the mercy of the Queen Bee's. I think it's very positive to teach our girls that friends are not mean, to our kids or to others, and that picking on other children for whatever reason is unacceptable. Our girls are better than that. I don't want Diva to be a Queen Bee, nor do I want her to be a follower or protector of the Queen. She needs to not only know the difference between right and wrong, but also have the strength to back up her convictions. It's a hard lesson to learn and a really gray area most of the time. Again, in this case, I think you were absolutely right on. [/QUOTE]
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