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extraneous relative issues
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 715299" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am truly sorry these people hurt you. They are not worth your time and energy. I would decrease your investment in them. It just doesn't pay to invest yourself in people who are not willing to reciprocate. It isn't a tit for tat accounting, but some form of reciprocation must be there. </p><p></p><p>A few years ago I realized this. I stopped chasing people for relationships. Now they can come to me. If not, that is fine. I won't contact many people until they contact me. I have one relative who actually called my mother to whine that I had not called her in months. Gee, each time I called her it took 3 - 6 calls to get her on the phone. She never returned a call, not ever. When she finally would talk to me, the conversation was all her chattering about random strangers she met in the grocery or airport or wherever and the dramas they had in their lives. Never a question about me, or my family, or about my life. Rarely a chance for me to get a word in edgewise or even to hear about her or her husband or even her family. I put up with this nonsense for years. It got tiring and finally enough was enough. I actually interrupted her one call and told her it was my last call. Future calls were up to her, and if she rambled about strangers I would say goodbye. I wanted to hear about her and her family, and talk to her about my life, not spend an hour of my life discussing the marital woes of random strangers she met in the grocery, especially as she lives in another state. </p><p></p><p>I had a couple of friends from before we moved who had the attitude that since I moved away, it was always my job to call them. I don't understand that. One actually told me it was a rule, and she was not joking. If you move away, it is your job to always pay for the phone calls and lodging for all trips to come visit you, and for trips you make to visit us. Staying at your house isn't an option, either, it has to be a nice hotel. I told her not to come visit, we were not that good of friends. I didn't ever call her either. I did call some of my friends, but when they NEVER called me, it just felt like I was chasing them to be their friends. Who needs that? I just won't keep chasing you for the privilege. Not even if you are a relative.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 715299, member: 1233"] I am truly sorry these people hurt you. They are not worth your time and energy. I would decrease your investment in them. It just doesn't pay to invest yourself in people who are not willing to reciprocate. It isn't a tit for tat accounting, but some form of reciprocation must be there. A few years ago I realized this. I stopped chasing people for relationships. Now they can come to me. If not, that is fine. I won't contact many people until they contact me. I have one relative who actually called my mother to whine that I had not called her in months. Gee, each time I called her it took 3 - 6 calls to get her on the phone. She never returned a call, not ever. When she finally would talk to me, the conversation was all her chattering about random strangers she met in the grocery or airport or wherever and the dramas they had in their lives. Never a question about me, or my family, or about my life. Rarely a chance for me to get a word in edgewise or even to hear about her or her husband or even her family. I put up with this nonsense for years. It got tiring and finally enough was enough. I actually interrupted her one call and told her it was my last call. Future calls were up to her, and if she rambled about strangers I would say goodbye. I wanted to hear about her and her family, and talk to her about my life, not spend an hour of my life discussing the marital woes of random strangers she met in the grocery, especially as she lives in another state. I had a couple of friends from before we moved who had the attitude that since I moved away, it was always my job to call them. I don't understand that. One actually told me it was a rule, and she was not joking. If you move away, it is your job to always pay for the phone calls and lodging for all trips to come visit you, and for trips you make to visit us. Staying at your house isn't an option, either, it has to be a nice hotel. I told her not to come visit, we were not that good of friends. I didn't ever call her either. I did call some of my friends, but when they NEVER called me, it just felt like I was chasing them to be their friends. Who needs that? I just won't keep chasing you for the privilege. Not even if you are a relative. [/QUOTE]
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