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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 223657" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>As a child easy child 1 being the eldest and the peace maker became my "little helper" and I regretfully was forced to rely on her much more than I wanted to or should have. husband was totally checked out and away from home more that he was home.</p><p></p><p>There were many times I had to send easy child outside or to another part of the house to take care of the younger children when difficult child 1 was raging. difficult child 1 would destroy property and turn the other kids into punching bags if I didn['t put up a physical a barrier to it. </p><p></p><p> I have told easy child 1 how I regret this and I have apologized many times. She just says "mom you did the best you could. I had a good childhood for the most part and you gave me many opportunities and choices." </p><p></p><p>I hate to admit it but easy child 1 had so much become my parenting partner that she didn't want to go away to college for fear of what would become of me and the boys. I forced her to go and told her it was time she had her own life and that she needed to live her own dreams. </p><p></p><p>As for difficult child 1 about six years ago, after a violent episode with her then fiancee and now husband (she was violent not him) difficult child 1 entered into therapy. They went to a therapist regularly for three years, After that they cut back and went for two more years on an as needed basis. They broke off with this therapist just before she got pregnant with my grandson. (difficult child 1 told me that the therapist didn't think she and her husband were ready to be a parents but I do not know if this is the reason they stoped seeing her). </p><p></p><p>Up until then, difficult child 1 had been doing better. She hadn't been physically violent for years and was not as demanding and manipulative in general.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately both I and easy child 1 are still haunted by the past. We remember how physical difficult child 1 used to be. Because difficult child 1 seems to be back in a full narcissistic phase we had concerns she might regress further. We wanted to stay involved. Admittly, we did bend to her more these past months than was comfortable but the thought was that if GFG1had our support and a chance for respice if she needed it, she would be a good mother and gain confidence in herself and her abilities. Our present concern is that we do not feel difficult child 1 is coping well. In addition her husband is plum worn out by her nit picking and outbursts. He actually lost his temper a couple of weeks ago and told her that she is being hateful and used the "B" word. </p><p></p><p>While I don't condone this I do understand his frustration. It has been one difficult child storm after another for about ten months. Most of them directed at her sister in law. But truly no one has bee spared.</p><p></p><p>She is constantly critisizing her husband for not living up to her unrealistic expectations and it was just a matter of time before he snapped. After her husband's outburst, difficult child 1 got all huffy and gave him the cold shoulder. To smooth things over he bought her an expensive ring as a "mommy" present. Gifts often calm her down for but only until she finds another reason to be angry. easy child and I have fears that sister in law will have enough and want out entirely is things don't change. </p><p></p><p>We were hoping that once difficult child 1 went back on her hormones we could approach her about getting back into therapy. in my opinion difficult child 1 shouldn't be without access to a therapist for life. When she doesn't have one she tends to rely on the advice of her not so stable friends.</p><p></p><p>But right now easy child says she is tired of it all and has had enough. She thinks she just wants out and I understand. I've had those thoughts myself. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 223657, member: 2315"] As a child easy child 1 being the eldest and the peace maker became my "little helper" and I regretfully was forced to rely on her much more than I wanted to or should have. husband was totally checked out and away from home more that he was home. There were many times I had to send easy child outside or to another part of the house to take care of the younger children when difficult child 1 was raging. difficult child 1 would destroy property and turn the other kids into punching bags if I didn['t put up a physical a barrier to it. I have told easy child 1 how I regret this and I have apologized many times. She just says "mom you did the best you could. I had a good childhood for the most part and you gave me many opportunities and choices." I hate to admit it but easy child 1 had so much become my parenting partner that she didn't want to go away to college for fear of what would become of me and the boys. I forced her to go and told her it was time she had her own life and that she needed to live her own dreams. As for difficult child 1 about six years ago, after a violent episode with her then fiancee and now husband (she was violent not him) difficult child 1 entered into therapy. They went to a therapist regularly for three years, After that they cut back and went for two more years on an as needed basis. They broke off with this therapist just before she got pregnant with my grandson. (difficult child 1 told me that the therapist didn't think she and her husband were ready to be a parents but I do not know if this is the reason they stoped seeing her). Up until then, difficult child 1 had been doing better. She hadn't been physically violent for years and was not as demanding and manipulative in general. Unfortunately both I and easy child 1 are still haunted by the past. We remember how physical difficult child 1 used to be. Because difficult child 1 seems to be back in a full narcissistic phase we had concerns she might regress further. We wanted to stay involved. Admittly, we did bend to her more these past months than was comfortable but the thought was that if GFG1had our support and a chance for respice if she needed it, she would be a good mother and gain confidence in herself and her abilities. Our present concern is that we do not feel difficult child 1 is coping well. In addition her husband is plum worn out by her nit picking and outbursts. He actually lost his temper a couple of weeks ago and told her that she is being hateful and used the "B" word. While I don't condone this I do understand his frustration. It has been one difficult child storm after another for about ten months. Most of them directed at her sister in law. But truly no one has bee spared. She is constantly critisizing her husband for not living up to her unrealistic expectations and it was just a matter of time before he snapped. After her husband's outburst, difficult child 1 got all huffy and gave him the cold shoulder. To smooth things over he bought her an expensive ring as a "mommy" present. Gifts often calm her down for but only until she finds another reason to be angry. easy child and I have fears that sister in law will have enough and want out entirely is things don't change. We were hoping that once difficult child 1 went back on her hormones we could approach her about getting back into therapy. in my opinion difficult child 1 shouldn't be without access to a therapist for life. When she doesn't have one she tends to rely on the advice of her not so stable friends. But right now easy child says she is tired of it all and has had enough. She thinks she just wants out and I understand. I've had those thoughts myself. -RM [/QUOTE]
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