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False hope
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 493280" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I think you might need to realize that so many of us come here with kids who have diagnosis and older kids..... those that did not grow out of it. (yet, I think lots of us still hope for better if not complete improvement) Many of our kids who still have these behaviors have some serious neurological and biological added issues. Others have amazing emotional histories. </p><p></p><p>There are many many more people who have really hard kids when young who DO have them grow out of it and they would not probably come here. I know several kids personally (and then went back to my old child development books) who at age 5-6 reverted to toddler like behaviors and tantrums and they were worse because now they are processing things like fears in a new way...still too young to really know how to solve problems and to know imaginative from real monsters and bad guys or situations, etc..... but old enough to have bigger fears and thoughts. It is actually documented that this happens as a normal part of development. </p><p></p><p>Not at all negating that his behaviors are different from typical kids his age. But just saying that if you add his developmental stage with his history and the issues you see it may seem bigger right now than in a couple of years. Then it may go back to awful in the teen years, then stabilize again. </p><p> </p><p>There is always hope. There are many who think no one should have an exact diagnosis (I disagree for other reasons but do agree with this point, people lower their expectations) because so often people end up unconsciously only having expectations that are typical for that diagnosis. or create what is known to go with that diagnosis, etc. Not on purpose of course. Just never give up hope. </p><p></p><p>There clearly are real issues, but he has so much going for him. I think working on the strengths/weakness model for developing skills works best. Really focus on what his strengths are. Help to build those new and different dreams. Right now remember, you said that it is only just hitting you this is real. So, you are seeing things thru those kinds of eyes. There actually ARE many here who have talked of how their kids are now independent and even have jobs, and families. There is a TON of hope. Maybe not the picture you dreamed of when you wanted to become a mom to that fantasy child we all dream of. But tons of hope for J. He has YOU!!!! You are thoughtful and caring and working hard to be a good mum to him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 493280, member: 12886"] I think you might need to realize that so many of us come here with kids who have diagnosis and older kids..... those that did not grow out of it. (yet, I think lots of us still hope for better if not complete improvement) Many of our kids who still have these behaviors have some serious neurological and biological added issues. Others have amazing emotional histories. There are many many more people who have really hard kids when young who DO have them grow out of it and they would not probably come here. I know several kids personally (and then went back to my old child development books) who at age 5-6 reverted to toddler like behaviors and tantrums and they were worse because now they are processing things like fears in a new way...still too young to really know how to solve problems and to know imaginative from real monsters and bad guys or situations, etc..... but old enough to have bigger fears and thoughts. It is actually documented that this happens as a normal part of development. Not at all negating that his behaviors are different from typical kids his age. But just saying that if you add his developmental stage with his history and the issues you see it may seem bigger right now than in a couple of years. Then it may go back to awful in the teen years, then stabilize again. There is always hope. There are many who think no one should have an exact diagnosis (I disagree for other reasons but do agree with this point, people lower their expectations) because so often people end up unconsciously only having expectations that are typical for that diagnosis. or create what is known to go with that diagnosis, etc. Not on purpose of course. Just never give up hope. There clearly are real issues, but he has so much going for him. I think working on the strengths/weakness model for developing skills works best. Really focus on what his strengths are. Help to build those new and different dreams. Right now remember, you said that it is only just hitting you this is real. So, you are seeing things thru those kinds of eyes. There actually ARE many here who have talked of how their kids are now independent and even have jobs, and families. There is a TON of hope. Maybe not the picture you dreamed of when you wanted to become a mom to that fantasy child we all dream of. But tons of hope for J. He has YOU!!!! You are thoughtful and caring and working hard to be a good mum to him. [/QUOTE]
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